All over social media in the last year or so, I’ve seen the rising popularity of this idea of “That Girl”. She wears a claw clip, and glossier makeup, and is never caught lacking. At times, I find myself being self-critical over the fact I don’t always fit into this mold. Because honestly, some days I don’t even want to be me, let alone some enigmatic, perfect, and clean girl who definitely isn’t lying in bed all day wondering why she doesn’t feel like going anywhere or doing anything. Oftentimes these perfect versions of women are projected onto our young minds as the key to being accepted, loved, and adored. That’s what makes “That Girl” such an alluring concept.
“That Girl” disguises herself as different from other standards, free of the fluff and frills attached to previous standards like an early 2000s icon. She’s made to make us believe that we as young women are no longer adequate as we are but in the subtlest ways. As described in an article in Glamour magazine, “‘That Girl’ wakes up between five and six am, working out, drinking her morning smoothie, and journaling and/or meditating before the rest of the world has had a cup of coffee. She wears perfectly clean and ironed loungewear and makes breakfasts that are as visually appealing as they are nutritionally rich” (Porter). But why this sudden need to remake your personality to fit a TikTok trend? “That Girl” isn’t the first example of this, but it seems to be a lasting one. Such a heavy reliance on internet validation to give someone purpose exploded during the pandemic. Locked away in our homes, young and missing our friends, we looked to those online to give us a community. This gave thousands of individuals the space to be themselves, but is it all good? In my opinion, the need to fit into a mold like the one “That Girl” provides is detrimental to any young person’s self-esteem.
In any scenario, trying to be someone you’re not is a painful way to live, and “That Girl” tells young women they’re not enough as they are and they must strive to fit this standard in order to be accepted. But “That Girl” goes deeper than just appearances. She has her life together, she knows herself, she eats healthy, and one thing, in particular, I’ve noticed is “That Girl” is always thin, and effortlessly so. This can be a damaging narrative to push because thinness can be so strongly associated with these other traits that it becomes an obsession. Not everybody can live the way “That Girl” does, and we shouldn’t have to! “That Girl” never has a lazy day in bed, skips a shower, or goes grocery shopping looking grubby. And to me, life is made more worthwhile by those days I allow myself to take it slow. “That Girl” pushes the idea that we should never need rest, and we should be productive and clean even in the comfort of our own homes. This idea is so pervasive that even though I’m no longer on TikTok, I still hear this push to look clean and put together even on my worst days- but this idea is impossible.
I know many women, including myself, who live with this critical voice in their heads about how best to perform as a woman. The way I feel best as a young woman is by gauging how I feel on a day-to-day basis. One day I may wake up and feel like “That Girl” and I can feel empowered by that because I don’t force myself into that role. But the next day I may feel messy, mysterious, or witchy. You don’t need to put yourself into a box to be worthy. Allow yourself to be the dynamic human being who you are. The more gentle and flexible we are with ourselves, the more successful and happy we can be. So let’s all take the lessons we resonate with from “That Girl” and leave what we don’t.
Porter, Alice. “ThatGirl Is Taking over TikTok, but What’s behind the Viral Trend and Why Is It Potentially Doing More Harm than Good?” Glamour UK, 25 Oct. 2021, https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/that-girl-tiktok.