How to Know Your Partner is Right for You

In the world we live in today, it’s almost impossible to truly know whether a guy is 100 percent into you or whether he just wants the “cookie.”

What is the “cookie” you might ask? I won’t say it, but you probably guessed it right LOL. I think the biggest relationship mistake we make is rushing! Some might claim that it’s not rushing when you meet someone and kick it off with giving up the cookie, but at the end of the day, it all stems from the fear of missing out.

We’ve all been through that phase in which we just melt when our friends tell us that they’re dating someone. Of course, everyone wants to be wooed and swept away by the “love wind” but this is not a fantasy; this is the real world where it’s hard to find someone worthwhile to give the cookie to. Therefore, they have to EARN it. How do they earn it? Behold, the 90-day plan.

The 90-day what?

Steve Harvey breaks down the 90-day plan in his book “Act Like a Lady – Think Like a Man.” He lists what to do and what not to do in the 90-day period. Nora Nur of the Love from the Other Side blog explains that the 90-day rule is basically when you are in a relationship for about 3 months, or 90 days. Typically by the end of three months, you would have had enough time to gather enough information about the person you are dating to assess whether they are a good fit or not. Nora states that, “Often I would allow things to drag in hopes that maybe new information would be discovered or doubts that I hadn’t given things a fair assessment.”

In my world, the 90-day probation is a signal to the man/woman that you are not in this to be played, used, or discarded, rather simply it is a period to prove one’s self and to earn the benefits of dating you. Likewise, of course, you must do the same.

How can I maintain the 90-day rule?

DAY 1-10

Get to know the person before assuming all men and women are the same. I am no relationship expert, but it’s common sense to know that everyone is different. Know what restaurants they like and what they do in their spare time. In the 90-day probationary period, you are getting to know the person and that is the point.

DAY 11-20

Make them know that you are special. Assuming is not enough–some people need to hear it. Let them know that you are being upfront and confident, and you are not in this to play. It is not cocky to own that you are special. The first thing you want the person to know is that you care about yourself. Your feelings should come first.

DAY 21-30

If you get invited to his/her house, keep it casual. Cooking, watching a movie, and drinking wine are a few casual activities that you might think of. A little cuddling is fine but don’t go beyond that. This is where you pull out the rule book. You are setting the tone for the rest of this period, along with starting to figure out if you are ultimately attracted to your partner. They key to this period is moderation!

DAY 31-50

It is totally O.K. to accept gifts and give gifts. Chocolate, flowers, a cute phone case, scarf, hats etc. are all small gifts that can be exchanged. This is a sign of appreciation. But, be careful! If it’s too expensive, consider not accepting it. You want your partner to know that you are not looking for gifts, you are looking for love.

DAY 51-60

The days are winding down and you must be feeling somewhat on edge because you have only 30 days left to figure out if you really are attracted to this person. By now you have been on around 8 dates or so. I’d start to reflect on these days, see if you would give them an A+ or an E for effort. 

Day 61-70

I could toast a piece of bread with the heat you must be feeling right now. This is where it gets intense. You must go on at least 2 more dates. Be with the person for a whole day to see if you can tolerate them for this long of a period. It sounds harsh, but if you don’t do a trial run, you might crash and burn. By the 70th day, you should have a clear idea of their hobbies, loves and hates, likes and dislikes, favorite places, foods, funny stories, worst fear, worst nightmare, who their friends are, what type of personality they have, and much more. In a nutshell, you have them figured out.

DAY 71-80

We are in the final stages of this 90-day probation and you have a date coming up. Wear red as a sign that you like them and black as a sign you don’t. (I am just kidding, wear what you want.) Go somewhere quiet and peaceful. I am not talking about an arcade filled with games and noises. Something like stargazing or a dinner in a nice restaurant.

DAY 90  

you have two choices: tell them that you are not feeling it or you are all for it and you want to be with them forever. Right now, you should know what type of guy/girl he/she is. Steve points out that a man who personally comes to your rescue when your car breaks down is deserving, whereas a man who wishes you luck on figuring it out is not.

It is the same for women. Helping your boyfriend calling AAA or whatever company is better than leaving him to figure it out. Now, you must be upfront because in the first stages you already made it clear that your feelings matter. 

Nora Nur states, “ Whenever I finally did end things, I could always look back and know that things had truly ended after the third month. Likewise, I knew with certainty after 3 months of dating my husband that I wanted to marry him.”

[Feature image by Pexels]

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