Fighting Depression with Passion
As always, the university food court is Buzzing. It is not uncommon for NMSU’s Corbett center to be filled with students. Some are eating, some are doing last minute homework and some are tabling, offering information on campus organizations. Of course the students at the tables are friendly and outgoing, they are recruiting, they are informing. It is their purpose to reach out to by standers and slow walkers. One girl in particular seems elated to be at her table. Pure delight sprinkles her face as she hands out brochures to seemingly curious students. By the smile and excitement she is wearing you would hardly notice the table at which she is recruiting. But if one were to pull their gaze away from her bright, friendly eyes for just a minute, they would notice she is tabling for the Counseling Undergraduate Society. Her name is Stephanie, and she wasn’t always so outgoing. In fact if you were to meet her during her freshman year at NMSU you would hardly recognize the vibrant energetic woman she is today, five years later.
As a teenager, Stephanie struggled heavily with depression and anxiety. Holding a conversation was like holding a loaded gun. She didn’t know what to say because her fear of being judged was so prominent, so she would often remain quiet. One of her best coping methods for her depression was to sleep her days away, and stay up all night, when she could be alone and no one would bother her. She never felt like she had a voice, or even a personality. Her mind constantly juggled thoughts of not being good enough, fear of judgement, fear of failure and many other things. Unfortunately, Stephanie felt as though she had no one to turn to, not even her family. Many people are still under the assumption that mental illnesses are fake or made up by the person suffering as a way to get attention or sympathy. The last thing Stephanie wanted to do was make people think she needed help or that she was being dramatic, so she remained to herself.
It wasn’t until she decided to pursue a degree in counseling and psychology that she dealt with her problems and finally suited up to battle her depression and anxiety. “I knew I had a problem, I just never knew how to talk about it” she told me as we talked in the busy hallway of Corbett. “I knew I wanted to help people that felt just like me, but I didn’t know that I could, because I couldn’t even help me” Stephanie used to often talk about killing herself to close friends and roommates, and as their concern grew she began to realize that not everyone thought she was crazy or dramatic. She explained that it was with the support of her closest friends that she discovered her illness was just as real as any other and something could be done about it. She sought out help through counseling, and that is where her passion for counseling began. “Having someone talk through my issues really helped me cope with everyday life, they weren’t there to judge, just listen, just help” Like many others, Stephanie was reluctant to express her feelings. Many people who deal with depression often feel guilty because there is no reason for their sadness. Some people can lead perfect, wonderful lives but still struggle with depression. While going through counseling Stephanie grew intrigued by mental illness. She wanted to learn everything she could about it. She felt that by learning psychology and how to council she could help others who faced the same problems she did. The more she learned the more she was able to understand her depression and anxiety. She also learned how to deal with both effectively.
While pursuing her degree something important happened, “I learned about what I love, I never had anything to love about myself, not a hobby not a trait, nothing. After I started getting into school I found my passion, something that made me really happy and something I could do for other people, and my depression started to melt away”. Stephanie’s passion for counseling and psychology began to show to friends and family, but professors as well. Soon, the shy, timid, nervous Stephanie was becoming President of the Counseling Undergraduate Society upon nomination. She found a purpose and a drive and it became easy to talk to people because she knew she was somehow in some way helping. Others who had problems just like her were now coming to her, looking for answers to the same questions she had. “I learned about mental illness through experience first, then I learned that issues people face with mental illness are very real issues. They aren’t fake or made up. These are real monsters that people wake up and face every day, there’s no way someone could make up or dramatize the way depression makes you feel”. Stephanie’s goal now is to help raise awareness around the NMSU campus about mental health. She feels that everyone should be educated to some extent about mental illness in order to help friends, family, or even yourself.
She is now actively seeking her master’s degree Clinical Mental Health Counseling and has become president of yet another organization, Counseling Master’s Student Association. The organization which she hopes will change the way NMSU students recognize and deal with mental illnesses. A girl who thought she didn’t want to live to see another day, bravely battled depression and anxiety, has graduated with honors, gotten married and is now expecting her first child. A complete 360 from the girl she was, and the girl she thought she was going to be. Her advice to anyone struggling with mental illness is to talk. She says that talking to someone or anyone can be a simple step in getting the help you need. One of her goals is to educate the NMSU campus on mental illness to the point that every students becomes a resource to someone who is struggling.