1. The “You Personally Attacked Me/My Friend/Organization” Commenter: This type of commenter takes every generalization to heart. They insist that any observed trait of a specific group pertains specifically to them. Their comments generally read something like “As a [insert character description here] I feel singled out/stereotyped/demeaned by this article.” We understand that some people are more sensitive than others- that’s why we include disclaimers!
2. The “I’m-Never-Reading-Her–Campus-Northeastern-Again” Commenter: We know, we know: you’re never coming back to this site again. You’re SO done with us…just as soon as you post a comment telling us we’ve lost you as a reader, direct all of your friends to it, and then read every ensuing comment in reply to your own. Thanks for the site traffic though.
3. The “I-Have-No-Idea-What-Publication-I’m-Reading” Commenter: This type of commenter is typically horrified by the lack of sources and attributions in the post in question. They think we are a disgrace to journalism. We understand that not everyone is a J-major, so we take no offense. Allow us to clear things up for you: Her Campus is not The Huntington News. It is not Time, Newsweek, or any other publication that strictly revolves around hard news. We write conversational, campus-specific content, which means that not everything we say has to be backed up by an expert.
4. The “I-Can’t-Believe-Northeastern-Allowed-You-to-Publish-This” Commenter: Similar to the “I-have-no-idea-what-publication-I’m-reading” commenter, except that this person has no working knowledge of the First Amendment. This is a country with free press laws. Northeastern has no real jurisdiction over what content we choose to put forth. Like the Huntington News, but better.
5. The “I-Have-to-Talk-In-Twitter-Hashtag-Language-to-Get-My-Point-Across” Commenter: If you really have to include the phrase “sorry I’m not sorry” in the comment section, we’re just going to go ahead and assume you have no legitimate contribution to the dialogue that’s taking place.
6. The “I-Like-to-Pretend-I-Know-What-I’m-Talking-About” Commenter: You don’t agree with what we’re saying, so you’ll try and purport what you think as legitimate fact.
7. The “I-Don’t-Understand-What-Satirical-Writing-Is-Even-Though-I-Go-To-Northeastern-and- Therefore-Should-be-Smart-Enough-to-Know-the-Difference” Commenter: A hint, friends. When I tell you to drop your R’s at Fenway, I’m not actually recommending that you do this. It was an effort to poke a little harmless fun at the general populous of America’s most beloved ballpark. For those of you light-hearted enough to recognize sarcasm when you see it, congratulations. For everyone else (looking at you, Sheldon Cooper-esque science majors), you’ll get the hang of it one day. We hope.
Photos: myaccidentalmuse, bkhush, flixya