With political polarization so prevalent in today’s society, you’re bound to encounter a friend who has opposing political views to your own, and it seems like everyone has an opinion on how you should handle this situation. While some argue that you can’t possibly have a meaningful friendship with someone with fundamentally different values, others quickly insist that politics should not end your relationship with friends or family. I had never really had to contend with this issue until recently.
A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting at my desk, chatting with a friend from high school. The election results were all I could think and talk about, so I began voicing my concerns. We had never outright talked about politics before, but we grew up in pretty progressive towns, and I assumed our views aligned. I was sorely mistaken. About 10 minutes into our phone call, he admitted that he had voted for Donald Trump in the swing state of North Carolina.
My Instagram feed was filled with women trying to spread hope during a time in this country when their fundamental rights were under threat. I noticed the women in my classes attempting to smile through the apparent hurt and worry that was etched on their faces. I tried explaining all of this to him. I tried to convey my genuine fear, but ultimately, reproductive rights were a nonissue in his decision. He listened to my concerns and conceded their legitimacy, but in his opinion, there were more pressing issues, like the economy, that Donald Trump was better equipped to handle.
The conversation quickly became unproductive, but I kept trying to reason with him. He admitted that he knew very little about politics, which made it even more frustrating to know he cast his vote without understanding its full weight. It didn’t upset me that he was disengaged with the chaos of American politics; it upset me that there was no desire to learn or to stay informed. He repeatedly mentioned that he was an economics major and that politics didn’t affect his day-to-day life, and his lack of sympathy and care was shocking, to say the least.
I struggled with severe mental health issues throughout my senior year of high school, and my friends were the support system I needed to make it through that trying time. This friend, in particular, offered his unwavering support and some much-needed levity. Even while I was abroad during my first year at Northeastern, he would continue to check in and answer my calls no matter the time of day. I couldn’t reconcile the person who had shown me so much care with the apathetic person I was speaking to on the phone.
The phone call ended, and I haven’t contacted him for over a month. There have been moments when I’ve wanted his advice, but I’ve been so confused. Friends have offered conflicting advice, but none of it has given me any clarity. While it’s been easy with the bustle of college life to avoid dealing with the emotional turmoil of it all, winter break is fast approaching, and I know I’ll have to face it sooner rather than later.
These uncomfortable conversations are worth having and foster an environment of compassion and understanding. There’s already so much tension and animosity in this country, and the lack of dialogue between people from both aisles only deepens the divide. I only have the power to offer my perspective and insight, not to make anyone listen or care.
I don’t think there’s one right way to navigate relationships when politics are involved. In my situation, I believe it’s worth continuing the discussion. I know his character and values, so I genuinely hope we can reach a consensus. However, everyone should approach this situation in the way they see fit. There’s no correct answer. It can feel confusing and overwhelming, and my advice is to take as much time as you need and not let others make a decision for you. Of course, there will be a lot of opinions, but only you know whether your relationship should and can continue.