Once upon a time my cell phone broke. It had endured a lot of painful days in its lifetime including a two-story fall from an elliptical to the ground in the Marino center (true story), yet survived. It was not an Iphone or even a smartphone, but it clearly had extraordinary powers. It finally kicked the bucket in the wee hours of a library all nighter when it fell from my pocket as I climbed a set of stairs due to the ground floor bathroom being closed for cleaning. But, really, why is this relevant? Because of this nightmare, I had to take a hand-me-down phone from my eldest sister. Little did I know she had all these annoying ring tone and sounds set to not only scare the crap out of me but also induce public embarrassment. The most memorable was during a club awards ceremony where, as the room fell silent, the sounds of New Kid’s On the Block’s “The Right Stuff” came blaring from my pocket with their moaning of “Oh Oh Oh”.
I was taking this walk down memory lane as I read a headline that New Kids on the Block plans to reunite again with 98 Degrees and Boyz II Men for a summer tour. Sorry New Kids, but after you reunite for the 5th time it isn’t called a reunion. It means you are a bunch of middle aged men singing a chorus with 29 Oh’s in it (Yes I counted) and calling yourself kids.
That being said, I have a high appreciation for boy bands. I’m pretty sure my first crush on Justin Timberlake ruined all other men for me, as they will never be good enough, I still know the choreography to “Bye Bye Bye,” and I once sat third row at a Jonas Brothers concert. Maybe it is because I was not alive during their initial hit making days but I do not see the appeal of New Kids on the Block. The only cool thing about them is that they formed in Boston and Mark Wahlberg’s brother Donnie is in it. Sorry Donnie, but I’d rather Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch come together once again and show us their “Good Vibrations” before I check out your “Right Stuff”. Seriously though, even in their prime I wouldn’t want to make-out with any of them. Luckily, many other fantastic boy bands have emerged since 1990 and here is my completely biased countdown of the top ten:
10. LF0
Upon googling them, I found out LFO stood for Lyte Funky Ones. While this fact almost made me remove them from my list, they also get a sympathy vote since band member Rich Cronin passed away from Cancer (R.I.P.). They were also founded in Massachusetts, which is crazy! Maybe the next big boy band is here at Northeastern! They also guest starred on The Amanda Show, and a main lyric of their chorus to “Summer Girls” is “Chinese food makes me sick”. Classic.
9. 98 Degrees
I honestly wish Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson would reunite more than I care for 98 Degrees reuniting but whatever, I’ll take what I can get.
8. Dream Street
A little under the radar as far as boy bands go, but they also launched the singing career of the dreamy Jesse McCartney. I later saw him in concert and his hip-thrusting dance moves are ones that can only be learned by being a member of a pubescent singing group.
7.O-Town
A beautiful creation of the great and powerful Diddy. They managed to have a hit about wet dreams and be successful even though they had a member with the name Ashley. Speaking of, he was actually playing Link Larkin in Hairspray on Broadway when I went to see it but was out sick my show night. Bitch move. Also, just a side note, but a girl who is a mix of Destiny’s Child, J-Lo, Janet Jackson and Madonna would be hideous.
6. LMNT
It took me most of my childhood to realize that the letters LMNT were suppose to sound like “Element” but “Hey, I just want you to know I wanna be your Romeo!” I will continue to have “Hey Juliet” stuck in my head for the next week.
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5. Hanson
I’m pretty sure every little girl of the 90’s (and probably many little boys) first cassette tape was “MMm Bop” by the Hanson brothers. I still couldn’t tell you half the lyrics they sing in that song even if I was given subtitles. Also Hanson (Preferably Zac or Taylor, no offense Issac) if you are reading this I will give you the number spot if you go to my best friend’s Sorority Formal with her. Just putting it out there..
4. Jonas Brothers
Yet another brother group, this boy band had the Disney stamp of approval with their purity rings and songs about struggles with Diabetes (Nick has Type 1.) Then came their TV show and a time I like to refer to as the “dark ages.” Still, I will forever be “Burnin’ up” for them.
3. One Direction
It may be a little controversial to put such a newcomer so high on my list, but so be it. One Direction is special because of their British/Irish accents, revival of catchy pop love songs, and most importantly they (unlike pretty much any other boy bands) do not have a single weird looking one.
2. Backstreet Boys
The dispute will always be Backstreet vs. N’SYNC. You were either an N’SYNCer or a Backstreeter. I happened to be a bit of both, but because Backstreet reunited and you always want what you can’t have, they are going to have to take a backseat to my number one pick. The Backstreet Boys also place second because I still have no idea what you want that way or why you never want us to say it.
1. N’SYNC
I’m going to overlook Lance Bass’ frosted tips, Chris Kirpatrick’s overall creepy demeanor and that time Justin Timberlake helped flash Janet Jackson’s nipple to the entire world (technically post-N’SYNC) to crown N’SYNC the ultimate boy band champions. Their harmonies were insane, their dance moves perfectly n’sync (see what I did there?) and also Justin Timberlake starred in the amazing Model Behavior as a result of the group’s success. Suddenly they were “Gone” and never said “Bye Bye Bye”. Okay, I’m done now.
HONORABLE MENTIONS: BBMAK, SOULDECISION