To put it simply, I’m stressed — really stressed. I hope it works out, and part of me knows it will, but the tiny voice in the back of my head is projecting doubt.
As I write this, I am sitting on an Amtrak on my way home for spring break, crying. My hood is on, so hopefully, no one can see the tears streaming down my face.
One of my best friends accepted her first co-op today. Don’t get me wrong—I am so, so, so proud and excited for her. I know she deserves the fantastic position she got; it is such an incredible opportunity. And honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I want to hear about my friends’ accomplishments so we can celebrate the wins.
However, I can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. Whenever I open LinkedIn, my feed is flooded with fellow students sharing how excited they are to accept their first co-op offer. I often find myself overthinking every moment, wondering what I am doing wrong in my search. Every time my email goes off, my heart skips a beat, hoping for a decision or another interview.
At the end of the day, though, I must remind myself what I can and can’t control. I cannot control any aspect of anyone else’s co-op search, but I can control how many applications I send out, when I send them out, and how prepared I am for interviews. As much as I wish I had a say in employers’ decisions, I know I can’t control how long it takes a company to get back to me.
With the age of social media, sometimes it feels like everyone around me has accepted offers. However, a co-op search is a personalized journey, and everyone moves through it at their own pace. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses; I know my worth, but there will always be room for growth.
Since this is my first job search, mistakes are inevitable. There is something to be learned from every setback and accomplishment, and these lessons will only prepare me for future opportunities. Reflecting on my search, I realized how far I’ve come from the beginning—I am becoming more comfortable with interviews, and gaining more confidence with each one.
I’ve also learned that sometimes, I need to take time for myself and let my feelings out. Throughout this process, I’ve called my mom a lot, whether it was for advice on my resume or if I just wanted to talk to her after an interview gone wrong. Other ways I take care of myself include listening to music, drinking tea and FaceTiming or hanging out with my friends.
To reiterate, the co-op journey is highly individualized. While this process is stressful, I am grateful to have experienced it at such a young age—I am learning so much and I know I will only continue to improve.