This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Northeastern chapter.

Now that we’re familiar with the main characters in the never-ending tragic comedy we call “Election 2016,” it’s time to talk about the substantive issues right?

Wrong! (That was predictable.)

This race has been shockingly devoid of substance and that isn’t likely to change until the first debate on Monday, September 26 (9 – 10:30PM ET). So until then, join me as I journey back once more to revisit some of the most ridiculous stories from the past 20ish months:

The saddest man on earth

Never in the entire history of the United States has there been anything more pathetic than Jeb Bush’s fruitless quest to gain the nation’s love. Remember when he found himself begging an unenthused crowd of voters in Hanover, New Hampshire to clap for him?:

I guess this is the world we live in now

Alright, who taught Grandma and Grandpa how to use Twitter?

(Is Hillary even legally allowed to be president after brutally murdering Donald Trump like that for the whole world to see?)

(Manslaughter is also illegal, in case you Bernie-or-Bust-ers hoped he could replace Clinton after she’s nicknamed “The Subtweet Slayer” and given two consecutive life sentences.)

To get to Hartford, make a right at Vermont and head north

Welcome to Ben Carson’s America, courtesy of this totally accurate map his campaign published:

Q: Who has the best words?

A: Probably not someone who literally says, “I have the best words.” (You know what might make Trump’s argument more convincing? A thesaurus.*)

*Fun fact: Donald Trump thinks a thesaurus is “that thing that’s kind of like a dictionary but instead of giving me the definition of a word it gives me a list of words to replace that first word with even better words so I can have all the words… the best words.”

Donald Trump: America’s Everyman

As we all know, there’s nothing typical, average Americans enjoy more after a long, hard day on the campaign trail than settling down in our private jets, grabbing the latest Wall Street Journal, and digging into a delicious bucket of KFC (the sterling silver knife and fork are optional):

Alternatively, if you aren’t in the mood for high quality, mass produced chicken product served to the masses by a fictional, elderly colonel, might I suggest some authentic Mexican cuisine? I wonder if Mr. Trump has any restaurant recommendations…

(Anyone else notice that he’s making the same exact face in those two tweets?)

Two rhythmic steps forward, one hundred offbeat steps back…

Apparently determined to remind America that she isn’t Barack Obama, Hillary partnered with Ellen DeGeneres to prove that she is, in fact, white (a fact that we never once doubted, not even a little bit):

Just how far up does this thing go?

The year: 2082. The setting: an underground bunker in post-apocalyptic America (geographic coordinates unknown).

“Alright, class, please take out your history tablets and swipe to Chapter 11, entitled ‘2016: The Year Everyone Lost Their Goddamn Minds.’ Today, we’re taking an in-depth look at Ted Cruz. Can anyone tell me something about Senator Cruz? Yes, Bella?”

“He was the real Zodiac Killer.”

“Correct! Anything else? How about you, Edward?”

“His father was the second shooter who helped Lee Harvey Oswald pull off the JFK assassination.”

“Good! I can see you all did your reading. Now, what the chapter doesn’t tell you is that beyond being a time travelling serial killer and the son of America’s stealthiest sharpshooter, Cruz was also known for one last particularly odd culinary quirk. Does anyone know what I’m talking about? Jacob?”

“Um, I could be wrong, but I think you mean the 100 cans of Campbell’s soup..?”

“Right!!! Very perceptive of you. Now Renesmee, if you could flip off the lightswitch, I’ll roll the clip.”

Grandpa Bernie wants those damn kids to get off his lawn

Anyone remember that one time Gawker was brutally honest in one of its headlines about Bernie?:

But let’s be real for a minute. Gawker shut down after posting Hulk Hogan’s sex tape without his permission. It’s not like any respected news outlet – say Time for example – would publish an equally ridiculous headline about Bernie…

…What the damn hell?.

(I swear, if I had a dollar for every time I uttered those four words this election cycle, I’d be rich enough to buy the White House from the government and only return it to the American voters if they agree to calm down, apologize for their immature behavior, and promise never to throw an electoral temper tantrum like this in front of the entire world ever again.)

A chronic sleepwalker and an Oompa Loompa walk onto a debate stage

…Or maybe they don’t. (Also, poor John Kasich doesn’t deserve this.)

“It’s a cruel and random world, but the chaos is all so beautiful.” ― Hiromu Arakawa

Trump read this quote, thought he discovered the key to eternal beauty, and subsequently brought an extra dose of chaos to the debate stage in February.

Turns out there IS such a thing as a stupid question

Confirming some people’s suspicions that Trump surrogates live in an alternate reality, Donald Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen challenged the news that Trump’s poll numbers are down with a question/retort stolen straight from a five-year-old:

(I swear, that pause gets longer and more uncomfortable every time I watch this clip.)

Honorable Mentions

I could honestly list about 500 more of these, but in the words of a great modern philosopher, “ain’t nobody got time for that.” So here are ten other stories from the campaign trail worth checking out:

A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the White House: Part 2

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