How to Be Your Own Best Friend

Coming into college, I had all these expectations about what I wanted my social life to look like. One of my main goals was to find a good group of friends who could make the scary transition to college a bit easier. It was my first time moving from my hometown, and it scared me that everyone and everything I had ever known –my friends, my family, and the familiarity of my environment– were all going to be so far away from me. I spent 18 years in one place around the same people, so the thought of having to start over socially seemed daunting. The first few months of school were probably the most exciting because I was always meeting people in various social situations, and it was interesting to see the different types of people that were going to become new characters in my life. College is really different from high school in the sense that your days don’t always consist of constantly being around people which is something that I have definitely struggled with. 

When I first came to college, I quickly learned that I am the type of person who enjoys being around people and I crave human interaction in my day to day life. However, in such a transition period where everyone is operating on their own schedules, it is hard to always be around people. It is especially difficult at a school such as Northeastern where some friends are abroad certain semesters or are on co-op while you’re taking classes. After my first semester, I truly realized I have to learn how to be comfortable. Most of my friends that I made the first semester all went abroad to different countries the second semester, while I stayed here in Boston. Going from being constantly surrounded by people to only having myself wasn’t an easy transition. It felt like I had to start over once again, but I took this opportunity to become my own best friend. Here’s how I did it. 

1. Do things you usually do with other people by yourself. 

This is something that I have always tried to implement in my life, as I think it’s so important to normalize doing things on your own that you would normally do with a group of people. In college, one of the simplest things that I have tried adopting is having a couple meals per week by myself in the dining hall. The dining hall can be an intimidating place, especially when you are going in by yourself to a room full of people in their own groups. I have gotten a lot better about purposefully allocating time to eat by myself in the dining hall and just watching something on my phone, as it can be really relaxing and a good break from everyone. Another way to implement this skill is by spending time hanging out by yourself. One of my favorite solo activities is going to different coffee shops and being really present with my surroundings. It’s important that we stop thinking that doing things alone is “embarrassing” because it truly is a great way of getting to know who you are as a person, without the company of others. 

2. Stop comparing your life to what you see on social media. 

I have always had the worst habit of comparing my own life to what I see people on the internet doing, but it is so important to recognize that what we see online is only a small snapshot of someone’s life. Whenever I am scrolling through my Instagram on a bad day where I am upset about something in my personal life, it does nothing but make me feel worse. However, I have been trying to remind myself that I only post the highlights of my life, which means others are likely to do the same as well. Social media often only consists of the good parts that we want others to see, and no one really captures the bad days. I stopped trying to compare the parameters of my own life to the 30 second snapshots I see online because there is so much more to a person than their Instagram stories. 

3. Treat yourself!

Treating yourself is just as important as treating others! I love to treat myself even when I don’t have a “reason” to, such as getting a good grade on a test or an award of some sort. Trying a new coffee shop, taking a nap on the grass in the sun, or *attempting* to cook something new are all little things I like to reward myself with. It gives me something to look forward to, and also allows me to spend some quality time with myself. Rewarding yourself with such things does not always have to be an effect of achieving something, but rather a way of simply being kind to yourself. 

4. Hype yourself up. 

We all hype our friends up when they have a cute outfit on or if they are being a good friend, but what about hyping ourselves up? I always make sure to talk to my friends with respect and support them every step of the way, but I struggle with doing that for myself. There are days where I don’t feel as confident in my physical appearance or feel down about not meeting a personal or an academic goal. Instead of being hard on myself about it, I find ways to commend my actions and treat myself as if I was giving advice to one of my close friends. With being comfortable being alone, the first step is to make sure that you respect and treat yourself the same way that you do with other people. Practicing self love is definitely a journey, but it’s important to start off by making small changes such as giving yourself a compliment a day. 

• college
• independence
• self-love