October is one of my favorite months. The seasons are finally changing, the holidays are approaching and pumpkin spice is everywhere. This season also means summer is over and school is back in full session. October is one of those months that sneak up on you. It feels like summer ended just last week and school has barely begun, then bang. Suddenly, I’m freezing my butt off, behind on four assignments and have five missed texts from friends. The first few weeks of school can be written off as an adjustment period, where you’re just getting used to your new classes and busy schedule. But by October, it’s no longer new. By October, it’s midterm season, the sun sets before 6 p.m. and I swear everyone (including myself) is battling a cold.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my fall days. I love wearing a thick sweater with my Ugg boots and sipping coffee with pumpkin creamer in the morning. I love that the second I see an orange leaf, I allow myself to rewatch “Gilmore Girls” for what may be the fifth time, as it is my favorite fall show of all. I love the leaves outside my window changing color and the foliage surrounding me on my walk to class. I love Halloween and “Harry Potter” movies, as they put me in the spooky spirit. I love how people start putting out decorations and carving pumpkins to make jack-o’-lanterns for their front porches. I love how, by October, you get into a routine and don’t have to look up your class schedule anymore. I love how soup season is beginning, with vegetables ripe and plentiful. I love how pumpkin bread is for sale in every coffee shop.
But, what I struggle with is staying present. In my head, I work up so many expectations for what October should be and how I should feel all of the fuzzy experiences mentioned above. I want to soak up all the feelings, foliage and everything else that makes this time special. But I haven’t gone apple picking, been to the pumpkin patch or visited Salem to see the witches. I haven’t had time to make cookies, bake muffins or have a cup of hot apple cider. I’ve barely had a chance to take in all of the fall foliage, and all I want to do is go for long walks along Charles.
The clock fell back a few weeks ago, and now the sun sets at 4:30 every afternoon. I feel like I’m fighting the clock to have enough daylight. I have barely put a pumpkin out to decorate my apartment, and I haven’t even watched more than ONE Halloween movie. I’ve been too busy getting my ass handed to me by my midterms, with pages and pages of writing and research keeping me up at night. To top things off, I’ve been sick for the last month, dealing with different versions of a cold I cannot kick out of my system. Why is it so hard to find time to do all these things I love?
Maybe this is just a part of growing up — you have less time for the things and people you love. Or perhaps it’s just these college years, where sacrificing my 7-8 hours of sleep is necessary to get more time out of the day. It seems like everyone else can juggle the hundreds of things happening, maintain good grades, work out, cook dinner and somehow still make time for their extracurriculars. Or maybe they’re just better at pretending they can. Whatever everyone else is doing, nobody has shared the secret to sustaining their lifestyle.
What I do know, though, is that during this season, I have made an effort to crunch the leaves on my street every time I walk past them. I have taken a photo of almost every red tree I’ve encountered and drank plenty of pumpkin spice lattes. I also baked cookies, albeit they were premade and popped into the air fryer.
Despite all of the stress and anxiety, I have made time to go outside for long walks and spent many nights talking with my friends. This semester, I have also been lucky to make new friends while staying close to the old ones. Although the real struggle of this season is to stay present, the phrase “comparison is the thief of joy” has never felt more true. Sometimes, you just have to take a step back, appreciate everything happening around you and accept that nothing will be perfect. Comparing yourself to what you think you should be doing can take away the joy found amidst the chaos in life’s smaller moments.