As my first year of college here at Northeastern comes to an end, I can’t help but feel bittersweet and wonder where the time has gone.
Eight months ago, I packed up two suitcases and two duffel bags and left the only life I had ever known behind. Coming from California, the thought of being 2,600 miles from my family, pets, and my amazing best friends had me feeling like I might be making the wrong choice. But these doubts were quickly overshadowed by excitement when I landed in Boston for the first time. My mom and I spent three days soaking in every last bit of this city we could before we had to say goodbye for a long while. I was mesmerized by the architecture of the streets and buildings, the bright colors of trees and flowers on every corner, and the historical sights I’d only briefly seen in textbooks. And when I first came to Northeastern’s campus, I was bursting at the seams with excitement. All I’d been told on social media and Reddit threads was that college would be the best 4 years of my life. I would meet my lifelong friends and be the happiest I’ll ever be.
Once I got to college, I quickly learned how wrong my expectations were. I wish I could have bottled up that magic feeling of moving into college before reality set in. I struggled to meet people; I was only saying “hi” and exchanging numbers with people I’d probably never see again. My dorm room was cute, but it didn’t feel like home. Showers didn’t feel as relaxing or comforting as they used to; they felt frigid and foreign. I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I didn’t know how to approach people or go about my day, and my friends back home felt so far away from me. I even considered transferring schools, thinking I had made the worst decision of my life or that a gap year would have been wiser. (In hindsight, I realize I was being a tad bit overdramatic.) Boston had only felt amazing with my mom, but now alone, it felt like a terrifying place that would never feel like home. Thankfully, I did have an amazing roommate which made this period less challenging than it could have been.
With the support of my mom through FaceTimes and care packages, I stuck it out. Classes started, and I fell into a routine. I had places to go, homework to do, and groceries to get. I started to figure out how to navigate around the city on my own, and campus started to feel normal. I started to hang out with a group of people on my floor as much as I could to make friends, and I started to feel I had a homebase in college. We bonded over our controversial food opinions and dread of certain classes along with our shared experiences of feeling lost and struggling to transition to college. I began to realize I wasn’t alone in my feelings. We were all young teenagers who had made big life-altering decisions to come to college out-of-state and leave our comfort zones. College is hyped up to be this really exciting and daring time, but it also really is a taxing transitional phase that I wish was talked about more.
By the end of fall semester, I learned to appreciate the independence I had gained in college. Despite the lows, I became a more self-assured and confident version of myself that I had always wanted to attain. I liked being able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. So when it came time to go home for a month for winter break, I wasn’t exactly sad to leave college, but I wasn’t in a rush to go home either.
Fortunately, my experiences second-semester were far more enjoyable. I met plenty of people from my existing friends that led me to meet some of my closest friends, future roommates, and support system. Despite the cold winter weather and shorter days, I was able to make so many memories in the confines of cramped dorm rooms. 95% of my free time consisted of napping with friends, impromptu movie and baking nights, thrifting, getting El Jefe’s at 1:30 in the morning after studying, and many more cherished memories. Classes were also more enjoyable, and I started to reevaluate what I wanted out of my college experience. I learned to define my interests and priorities and how to not spread myself too thin.
After an enriching, amazing, and packed semester, I now feel unsettled that I am set to end my first year of college in 2 weeks. All at once, it feels like little time has passed, yet my life before college feels like a lifetime ago. Sometimes I mourn the version of myself I was before college, but I like this new version of myself too. They coexist inside of me. I speak up for myself more now, and I am not afraid to share my ideas or opinions. I communicate more with my friends and am better at setting boundaries for myself.
So now, I am left with the thought of being away from my dearest friends and college routine for four months. It makes my heart ache even if I know it’s just for a little while. Boston is an amazing city that I have yet to explore completely, but I know it will be waiting for me again in September. It seems right as I’ve come to love being here and the life I’ve cultivated, I have to break away from it. I am saddened by the prospect of packing up my lovely freshman dorm, where memories of late night talks with my roommate while taking our makeup off and post-gym stretches with friends will remain. Taped up at the top of my desk are food, movie theater, and museum receipts I’ve collected; little milestones of the adventures I’ve had.
As I get older, I am constantly surprised by the lessons I learn and the mistakes I didn’t think I would make. I encourage any nervous or doubtful students, old and new, to make the most of the present. Give these transitional periods of life a chance. Say “yes” to every opportunity because you never know the people you might meet. My closest friends were made by deciding to go somewhere on a whim or waiting for the elevator in my dorm. And if something doesn’t work out, something else definitely will. My freshman year was hard and difficult, and I felt lazy and out of place. But it was also a beautiful, funny, and ridiculous time that I will miss deeply, so that’s why I know now that when I come back, everything will be okay.