As the new year unfolds, we’re all looking for ways to become our best selves, letting go of what no longer serves us. This is always my favorite part of a new year – the exciting potential that can stem from inward reflection.
And one 2025 resolution that might be the most empowering, yet difficult of all? To stop saying sorry (at least, not unless you really mean it.)
It sounds simple, but it’s trickier than you think – coming from someone who frequently attempts to make this change for small periods of time. I’ve always believed it’s difficult because us women are often socialized to apologize for taking up space or expressing our needs. We are told to avoid confrontation at all costs, and are simply conditioned to be the most polite, accommodating version of ourselves.
For example, you’ve probably found yourself saying “sorry” in situations where it wasn’t necessary. Maybe you’ve said “sorry” when someone bumped into you, or apologized for asking a completely valid question in class or on co-op. Maybe you’ve apologized for being tired and not able to give your full social battery.
What I am trying to say: apologizing sadly seems second nature in many unnecessary situations for women everywhere, so it’s hard to change.
But here’s the thing – you don’t have to apologize for your existence or your needs.
What’s the power of saying less “sorry,” you ask?
When us women stop over-apologizing, we reclaim our voice. Saying “sorry” when you don’t need to could unintentionally project the idea that you don’t have confidence or respect for yourself and your opinions/perspective. And though this may seem small now, it can seep into other areas of your life and make a larger impact.
Imagine the difference in your perceived self if you replaced an apology with something more assertive. It has the potential to be empowering as a woman.
For example:
Instead of “sorry to bother you,” you could say “I have a quick question.” Instead of “sorry, just saw your email!,” you could say “thanks for your patience – getting back to you now.” Instead of “sorry to interrupt,” you could say “I’d like to add something of value here.” Instead of “sorry” when someone bumps into you, you could say “excuse me.” Instead of “sorry, I’m tired,” you could say “I’m not able to give my full social battery right now because I’m tired. I hope you can understand that”
By making shifts like these, you can show respect to others that you respect yourself. And don’t dumb it down to just a small change in vocabulary – it’s a big change in fundamentals that’s hard to accomplish!
So, join me this year in trying to make this a long-term commitment.
And I want to be clear that saying sorry isn’t inherently bad – it’s necessary when you’ve made a mistake, especially when you hurt someone’s feelings.
And even more important, when you say it, say it like you mean it. We have all been on the other side of a half-assed apology at some point in our lives.