“Cute” is a word I have always had a complicated relationship with. Growing up, being called “cute” would make me feel happy and validated. Now, as an almost 20-year-old, whenever I am called cute, it causes visceral anger.
“You are so cute,” or “You are the cutest,” are compliments I appreciate when they are said in the moment, but also hate because I see it as demeaning and degrading. This is something I have struggled with as someone who is on the more petite side and that is often why people gravitate towards that word.
It is usually a new friend or family member I am just meeting that says that I am cute. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt because they don’t expect to see a 4’11” 19-year-old; however, I wish that when I walked into a room and introduced myself, people wouldn’t immediately see me for my height.
In my freshman year “Introduction to Literary Studies” class, my professor led an activity in which we studied the words “interesting,” “zany” and “cute.” For the word “interesting,” my professor put a picture of a museum, for “zany,” it was a meme of an actor dancing, and for “cute,” it was Hello Kitty. She proceeded to ask us to share why we thought she put those photos down for each individual word. I was immediately drawn to Hello Kitty being assigned to cute and decided to delve into why it is classified as cute. Is it because Hello Kitty is pink and childish? Despite how weird this sounds now, I started comparing myself to Hello Kitty.
Did people view me as juvenile and immature? How could I change that?
I became insecure of my height in high school when all of my friends were significantly taller than me. I would see my friends get called beautiful and gorgeous and I would just get cute. I felt like cute turned into an insult and I started loathing that word.
I would hate it when my parents would call me cute, even if they didn’t mean it with ill intent. It made me feel like I was never going to be beautiful because of my height, and I couldn’t change that.
This turned into a much bigger thought when I started to feel as though compliments involving the word cute, small, sassy or something adjacent would be the only thing I was hearing. It was detrimental for my mental health and self image. I felt as though I would not be perceived as anything else. So, I decided to change my style.
Style and fashion has become one of my biggest hobbies and passions, and I love dressing well for school or any event I am attending. I hoped that if people saw my style and how I carry myself, they would see me for who I am and not my height. I started to notice a change in the compliments I was receiving: I would hear “I love your outfit,” or “your bag is so cool.” That made me feel more confident and less like people saw me for my height, but rather for my cool personality and style.
Now about to turn 20 years old, I now know that people’s validation is the last thing I need. What matters most is that I feel confident in myself, and I know that there is nothing “cute” about me.