It’s the infamous contradiction. Every girl says she wants a perfect boyfriend who will change light bulbs in her apartment and bring her Panera when she’s sick. However, girls everywhere are drawn to the stereotypical jerk. They want someone who will oppose them, banter with them, and leave them in suspense with cryptic text messages. Then the female population is angered when these jerks don’t end up having a heart of gold and don’t want to meet our parents for brunch. If we should always opt for the good guys, why don’t we?
Part of the answer could be in the media and popular culture of today. Hollywood romantic comedies teach us that even if Gerard Butler is a jerk at first, he’s secretly a hopeless romantic who wants to marry you. There are shows like “The Mindy Project” where the two main characters have an antagonistic relationship, but it is perceived as sexual tension. But how jerky is too jerky? Danny once harshly criticized Mindy’s weight by saying she would be attractive if she lost 15 pounds. Mindy fires back with a rude remark about Danny’s divorce, but is this really what romantic tension is supposed to look like?
Sophomore Aileen Comer explains why she thinks some girls tend to lean towards the not-so-nice boys.
“You always want to be the girl that can change him,” said Comer. “You want to make yourself the one girl he’s nice to. The nice guys seem too easy or too good to be true. They’re the ones you ‘save for later’ because you know that after the jerk screws you over, they’ll still be there for you.”
Many girls are aware they tend to be drawn towards guys who are a little rough around the edges, even though they know they deserve better. Some girls even admit to liking the challenge. But is constant banter and a challenge really a solid relationship?
Comer says the draw is often the big personality and charisma of these less than perfect guys.
“I feel bad for the good guys,” said Comer. “ As much as I, and most ladies, want to marry one someday, I always accidentally seem intrigued by the bigger, more ambiguously well- intentioned personalities.”
It’s the sandbox paradox all over again. We are being trained to believe that if a boy pulls your hair at recess, he secretly likes you. But what about the guys who don’t tease us on the playground and are just genuinely nice guys? Do they get lost in our search for Hollywood drama and romantic back and forth?
Weinberg freshman Austin Glass doesn’t think so. He says that nice guys don’t actually finish last when you look at the big picture.
“In the end what it comes down to is whether you’re talking about hooking up or dating,” said Glass. “Jerks tend to have the upper hand when it comes to hooking up because for some reason girls dig that, but there’s no way to keep that up in the long run. After awhile girls realize that there are better things out there, so they end up finding a good guy to be with.”
Hundreds of romantic comedies feature the annoying, rude male lead that slowly changes and falls for the sweet female lead. But how often does this happen in real life? Jerks are usually born jerks, and will still be jerks no matter how hard you try to change them. So are girls then supposed to settle for a spineless “nice guy” who only nods his head and agrees to whatever we say?
“I think ‘good guy’ is better term than ‘nice guy’ for the guy who comes out on top,” said Glass. “If a guy is too nice and too boring, a girl won’t have any respect for him and you can’t have a relationship without that mutual respect.”
In the end, the good guys need to win. You can’t build a relationship with someone who won’t text you back past 7 p.m. You can’t be totally yourself with someone who is always criticizing you, even if you pick on them right back. If a guy would rather chop off his own limb than be exclusive with you, he’s probably not Prince Charming material.
We need to see past the smoke and mirrors of Hollywood, who says a guy will eventually love you if at first he treats you like human garbage. We need to stop the confusion between “big personalities” and “big jerks”. It’s time to stop waiting for the bad guys magically transform into different people, and start looking for all the good guys out there.