Hooking Up & Facebook: The Bro Blog Rules

Welcome to the Bro Blog! One of our readers asked the bro blog “Do you always Facebook friend a girl you’ve hooked up with?” They answer that question, and let us know how Facebook’s oh-so-handy chat function can make or break your love connection.

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J.P. Bowgen
Northwestern Guy
Ben Shartar
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So you hooked up with someone over the weekend. Maybe you hooked up during the week. However you roll, the question is: where do you go from there? Provided you’re not friends on Facebook already, should you take the extra step and friend them? Here’s the deal: do not ruin your day by thinking about this too much. Give it some thought, but it’s not like you’re making some tremendous gesture by going out of your way to clicking “add friend.” But! Do not friend them immediately. That is the most valuable piece of advice I can give you. Perhaps wait a couple of days and see if they makes the move first. If they do, they may be a little more interested in you than you had originally thought. You just make yourself look desperate if you friend them too soon.

In the words of Michelle from American Pie, you need to preheat the oven before you stick in the turkey. Now, that is in reference to something totally different, but you know what I mean. The bottom line: don’t look desperate by friending your hookup immediately. If you’re still not Facebook friends after a week, take the “plunge” and click the friend button. 

This brings us to a similar topic. What do you do after you’re friends on Facebook? Facebook has a cool feature that lets you chat with people you’re friends with. But, my advice: don’t do it. Facebook chat is a stupid invention. It was created to make you look desperate. We have cellphones for a reason—use them. Provided you have their number, take advantage of it. Texting is a good way to test the waters. Send them a text that shows they crossed your mind, but don’t jump right into conversation. If they’re interested, they’ll initiate it for you.

And girls, you may be asking yourselves: what is Facebook chat etiquette for me? You want to talk to him a little bit more and Facebook chat may be the only way. Don’t take bluntness as disinterest. He’s most likely making you squirm and you know that’ll only interest you more.

The whole Facebook interaction is pretty inefficient to say the least. The guys aren’t trying to look desperate and it’s the same thing with the girls. Ultimately, both sides get nowhere. People are too stubborn to look vulnerable, especially in a public setting—and let’s face it: Facebook is very public. Just avoid interacting on Facebook altogether. If you really want to get to know someone, do it in person. The internet is no place for making any sort of “relationship.”
 
Go to the next page for Northwestern Guy’s bro blog!
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What’s going on girls?  Hope you’re all crushing your midterms.  Fortunately, the battle is almost done and we can return to all the extracurricular endeavors we enjoy the most; getting wasted and going the f*** out.  The weekend after you finish a tough stretch of midterms is the equivalent of the beginning of freshman year; getting trashed before you realized it, being out of control, and of course – sloppy hookups.  You know what I’m talking about, the ones where you’re hooking up with some guy, you vaguely remember it going well, and then your friend aka third wheel comes up to you and says that bulls*** line, “We have to go.”  Next thing you know, you’re out of there without even giving the guy your number.  Now you’re thinking, “How am I gonna meet up with that guy again?”  There’s only one chance at reconnecting in the near future, Facebook.  Reader submitted topic of the week: “Do you always Facebook friend a girl you’ve hooked up with?”
 
To be honest, the answer is a no.  “But that’s not nice NGB.”  Yeah, neither is giving the girl the idea that this is going somewhere when it really isn’t.  Pick your poison.  If a guy doesn’t Facebook friend you after a hook up, it’s not happening.  The one exception is if you do that stupid thing where your Facebook name is your first and middle name.  How am I supposed to figure that out?  If you want to avoid confusion / anxiety, do the normal thing by using your first and last name. 
 
Now if the guy does friend you, it means he’s into you.  It doesn’t take a lot to tell if someone is into you.  Think about it, if he wasn’t interested, why would he take the time to look you up on Facebook and friend request?  To just be friends?  Guys don’t want to be friends, at least not initially.  They’re trying to go for round two.  But they gotta keep flirting to convince you to go for another go around.  What’s the Facebook way to do it? Chat feature.  Part 2 of this week’s blog: What are the rules about FB chatting someone you hooked up with?
 
One rule: only do it if you’re looking to keep hooking up.  Other than that rule, it’s basically the same rules as texting.  Like, you can just say “hey” in a chat message, but I don’t encourage it.  There’s nothing funny or witty about it.  You want to get someone’s attention then stand out.  For example, if you have the same class as some guy and the professor sucks, start off with, “enjoy another riveting lecture by [insert deadbeat professor’s name here] today?”  Even if you had a blackout hookup with someone over the weekend and don’t remember anything you could still say, “so apparently we had a fun time on Saturday haha.”  Just try to differentiate yourself from everyone else.  And don’t be afraid to initiate the conversation.  Guys don’t mind it at all.  We like it because you taking time out of your day to message me tells me that you’re interested and for once we actually know what we are getting ourselves into.
 
At this point, the only thing left to do is judge the other person’s level of interest.  From my experience, this is what I know.  The foolproof way to do it, ask a question, see how long the response is.  Long response – I know she’s down.  Short response – I keep a tab on her, but don’t get tunnel vision on this chick because it’s not looking optimistic.  Another way to tell if it’s a well-thought-out, “I like this guy,” kind of message is the amount of short line messages she sends.  Like if she sends me three short line messages before I respond, things are looking good.  It means she wrote something, then thought of something better to say to get me to like her more, then wrote that…
 
Well, I hope that clears up any confusion about Facebook and the opposite sex.  Just remember, any sort of contact or quality messaging are good signs.  Keep submitting those questions, ladies.  I’ll be happy to answer them.

Curious who “Northwestern Guy” is? Check out his profile… maybe you can figure it out!

Ben’s got something to say… keep going!!!
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  Ahhhh Facebook and hookups, two of my favorite things, and also two things I am ashamed to admit how much I do them. Nothing says cool like having a lot of friends on Facebook. Someone once asked me if I Facebook friend everyone I hook up with, and it boils down to a simple “Facebook Rule” I follow. Some people don’t call until three days, some people don’t kiss until after the third date, but I generally don’t add someone until I have met them at least twice. This is because I will not friend someone who I will not see again, and if you friend request someone after only knowing their first name, it means you had to go through some effort to find them, and it is generally pretty obvious.

Facebook plays some other pretty useful roles in today’s sadly technologically dependant dating world. Most people will not stalk someone in real life because it can lead to restraining orders, but most everyone will Facebook stalk someone at the drop of a hat. If you want a Bro’s advice, I would suggest that you refrain from Facebook stalking, but if you absolutely must, make sure you keep it a secret. It would be pretty awkward if you made a comment like “So, I saw that in 9th grade you had longer hair” or if you let slip the fact that you have looked through his/her entire Facebook with lines such as “Oh I have seen that pic” or “I see you have 4 cows in farmville.” It is not cute, it means you have way too much time on your hands or a serious obsession which is kinda a problem (But also a little flattering, I mean you have to be pretty awesome to get someone obsessed with you, am i right?) Also, if you Facebook stalk someone, make sure the window is not open if you sit next to that person in lecture. It is really really awkward.

As for Facebook chat, it is a great tool if you don’t run into the girl/guy on campus and still want to initiate conversation or get his/her number. And even a bro knows when you like someone, you want to talk to them. When I Facebook chat someone–like everything involving romance–I overthink it. Don’t just settle for: “Hey…what’s up?” You can do better than that and you know it.  I try and say something funny or witty about something I know she likes or something that just happened to me. In my opinion, you should never become complacent and decide that the fact that someone likes you is a constant because people do not work like that. You should try to be entertaining, charming and funny everytime you talk to them, even in Facebook chat, so that they remember why they do or should like you. Also, don’t obsess over what it means if he/she does not respond to your facebook chat. Generally Facebook is always open in some window of my browser but I don’t always check it too frequently because I am busy. The only thing I would say you could read into a Facebook chat is the fact that he/she wants to talk to you and that is always a good sign (unless they just want you to fill out a survey…you know who you are and it is not cool). A healthy relationship exists outside of Facebook. Let their interactions with you in the real world speak to you, because that is where it counts…unless you are dating someone exclusively online, then I don’t even know where to begin on the advice.

And now, I will leave you with a relevant song, Meet Me on the Facebook” by my all time favorite South-Sudanese Australian rapper, Bangs:

You can ask the bro blog your question on the next page!
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