For the first time in my life, I shockingly find myself in a relationship for Valentine’s Day. You’d think I would be jumping for joy right about now, desperately excited to spend the national day of love with a loved one, but here’s the glitch: he’s just under a thousand miles away.
Long distance relationships are unbelievably common during college, whether carried over from high school, summer flings that become something real, or inter-grade dating that leaves half the couple still at school while the other half is graduated and working. But as this is still new for me, I’m still learning the best ways to make it work. So with Valentine’s Day on the mind, I got in touch with some long distance relationship pros to get their best tips on how to make the most of this lovey dovey holiday.
Every couple treats Valentine’s Day differently. For some it’s the most romantic day of the year where they go all out with jewelry, chocolate, romantic dinner, etc.; some people don’t care too much, but will maybe do a little card or flowers; and some treat it like any other day. The key is to think about your significant other, think about what they like and what they’ll appreciate and do something appropriate, whether you’ll be together for it or not.
Sarah Kuta, a senior at Northwestern who has been in a long distance relationship for over a year, said that although she’s visiting her boyfriend this weekend that’s sort of coincidental as they’re not really that into Valentine’s Day.
She puts more emphasis on doing cute little things throughout the year to let each other know how you feel, like planning a weekend Skype dinner date or watching a TV show on Netflix at the same time. “We play Words with Friends constantly,” she said, “so we’re always connected a little bit, even if just by playing scrabble.”
Finding a way to stay connected is absolutely vital when you’re so far away. Letters can be a slightly cheesy but classic way of doing that, which Kuta absolutely endorses. “It makes distance seem like an old-fashioned romance where we have to woo each other with love letters,” she said.
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Emilee Kraemer, a junior at Denver University, has been in a long distance relationship for the past 4 ½ years and said that letters help her and her boyfriend tremendously. “Having your other know that you can take 15 minutes out of your day to write them a sincere letter means the world,” she said.
Doing little things like that at Valentine’s Day is often more meaningful than buying the most expensive gift in the world. Kraemer, for example, is a huge advocate of the homemade gifts. “Doing things that actually take more time out of your day than just purchasing something really means a lot more,” she said, giving the example of last year when her boyfriend carved a heart out of his soap because he knows how much she likes the way he smells.
Spontaneity can also be a great way to make the holiday special. Cody Schott, a junior at Northwestern who has been in a long distance relationship since the beginning of college, said, “Spontaneity is a good reminder that you’re being thought of in the present,” so even just a small gift like flowers can be a little reminder of how you feel.
Nisha Garg, a senior at Northwestern, said her boyfriend sending her a regular box of chocolate-covered strawberries last year was the perfect gift. “It was a simple gesture but SO sweet and really made me feel special on that day,” she said.
But even these little gestures can’t make up for the fact that you are not with your significant other on this, as Garg put it, “thanks-for-reminding-me-that-I-can’t-be-with-the-person-I-love day.” So you have to make the most of it. She said that rather than stay at home being upset all night, she went out with some girlfriends on a “romantic date.” Her boyfriend, meanwhile, went with a single guy friend to see a chick flick. “I guess we both used the same strategy,” she said, “Surround ourselves with single people to help remind us how lucky we are to have someone special, even if they live far away.” I think the key here is to make sure you are with friends on Valentine’s Day, so you don’t feel the sting of being “alone” quite as much.
While it’s important to do something to show your love on Valentine’s Day, when you’re in a long distance relationship, it can be even more important on every other day. Schott said, “If you really love and care about your significant other, Valentine’s Day won’t be the only day you decide to do something special for your significant other. You only get to see them so often so every day you can make your presence felt means a big deal.”