Are interracial relationships looked down upon? Ask Gemma

Dear Gemma,

Are interracial relationships looked down upon?

-Dynamic Duo

Dear Dynamic Duo,

         The harsh reality is that it depends on who is doing the looking. I’m one of the least judgmental people on the face of the earth. So if I were to meet an interracial couple it wouldn’t even faze me. I’ve known black/white couples, black/asian couples, Native American/European couples, you name it. I suppose since I’m a product of an interracial relationship, I also tend to be a little biased and think they’re pretty awesome. But not everyone is as open minded, and unfortunately that includes some people in the Notre Dame population. There are a few interracial couples on campus that I know of, and I know that they have a hard time. People stare, people ask questions, people don’t understand it. Fifty years ago, if you were white, Catholic and republican, you had to be with someone who fit that same bill. Nowadays, it’s not necessarily expected, but people of that generation or who were raised in the mentality of that generation still think that way. When I was in an interracial relationship, I learned to just not talk about it. When you aren’t with your partner, don’t feel the need to mention his race– would you feel compelled to explain it if you guys were the same ethnicity? And when you guys are together, don’t make an issue out of it. When people stare, stare back. If someone makes a comment, politely tell them that you didn’t ask for their opinion. Love doesn’t see a colour or a race or a gender. If someone is still so narrow minded as to think that races shouldn’t mix, maybe they shouldn’t be living in the 21st century. I have been with people of all races, backgrounds, religions, and ethnicities, and at the end of the day, all men have a penis and all women have a vagina. So who cares what colour it is?

Do your thing,

Gemma.

Dear Gemma,

How do you communicate to a guy what you want in bed? I always get caught up in hooking up and then he’s done which somehow always means its over and time to sleep. I need some attention too!

-Miss Unsatisfied

Dear Miss Unsatisfied,

Preach, girl. Preach. This is (unfortunately) an issue that a lot of women face. Thanks to the pornography industry, sex has been portrayed as a means to an end– the end being male satisfaction. You fake multiple orgasms, he finishes on your face, and the game’s over. This isn’t the way it’s supposed to work, but women face tremendous pressure from society, media, and often times their partner themselves to simply please him and have that be the end of it. I have (regretfully) been in that scenario multiple times myself. How to deal with it depends on the nature of your relationship with the guy. If he’s a one night stand, I have no shame in saying “Hey, buddy, you’re not the only one in the room. I still need some TLC.” Most guys will man up and take care of you (preferably by going down on you), but if he’s an asshole, or he’s too drunk, or whatever, he might blow you off and roll over and go to sleep. In that case, I usually finish myself off and then go use all of his bath products and eat all of his food and peace out before he wakes up. Screw it, you’re never going to see him again. And if you do, breeze right past him. No point in repeating a hook up if you didn’t have your fun.

If he’s your long term partner, though, it’s a more serious issue. This is one of those “babe, let’s sit down and have a serious conversation” situations. No matter how awkward or uncomfortable you might feel, it’s something that needs to be addressed. Don’t sit on your soapbox and tell him that’s he doing things all wrong and go all feminist on him. Chances are he’ll feel intimidated, threatened, and turned off, and you’ll end up picking an unnecessary fight. Have a rational conversation about how sometimes you feel neglected in the bedroom. Don’t point fingers at him, but at the same time don’t feel apologetic for taking a bit longer to orgasm. Women tend to take longer than men. Tell him what isn’t working, talk about things you’d like to try, and even do some research together. If you approach this as a couple he’ll feel less apprehensive and you guys will be able to have an open dialogue about it.

Any guy who isn’t satisfying you isn’t worth it. Address it and deal with it accordingly, and if things aren’t changing, move on. Life is too short to not enjoy our sex life to it’s fullest potential.

xoxo, Gemma.

*Have a hook-up question for Gemma? Ask here.

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