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Ask a Senior: A Word about Gender Relations

Her Campus Placeholder Avatar Sara Spitt
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Notre Dame chapter.

Welcome to our newest segment, “Ask a Senior,” where we address your questions, concerns, and doubts about life at Notre Dame! 

Q: Do people actually respect parietals? Is it easy to get away if you don’t?

(Related question from a different reader: I looked up ND at College Prowler and under “Campus Strictness” they had the following: “the penalties for both drug use and sex on campus are expulsion.” Now, that’s understandable for drugs, but are you really expelled if you are caught having sex (even if it is not during parietals hours)? That sounds ridiculous.)

*NEITHER I NOR HCND CONDONE RULE BREAKING OR THE LIKE*

Already trying to break the rules. Tsk tsk. As far as disciplinary action goes, a parietals violation is one of the most serious punishable offenses a student can commit at Notre Dame. The only thing the Administration hates more than breaches in parietals is drugs. The rules regarding visiting hours are widely respected (and usually appreciated) in the dorms. (Personally, I have always found it a relief that I can walk around my dorm in my pajamas and not have to worry about who I bump into at 3AM.)

However, in reality breaking parietals obviously does happen. While rumor has it that it is easier to avoid getting caught if you break parietals in a guy’s dorm, depending on the dorm, the punishment isn’t any less severe in one dorm or another. The Office of Community Standards (previously ResLife) will hear about it and you will most likely get stuck with community service hours to clear your name. If you have more than one violation, you will likely get kicked off of campus. Be smart. (There is a rule currently in place with Community Standards that your first disciplinary action of any kind – parietals, drinking, etc. – is handled within your dorm community.)

Punishment for things like sexual “misconduct” and parietals abuses is determined on a case by case basis, taking into consideration a variety of factors. These factors tend to include severity of the infraction, if you’ve been disciplined for something before, and the nature and circumstances of the offense. I’ve never heard of someone getting expelled for having sex on campus, but that doesn’t mean it’s never happened before or that it won’t happen in the future. 

For more about the policy and punishment, read up on it in Du Lac, the student handbook. 

Q: I’ve heard relationships between girls and guys are a little strained at ND. Is it common to see girls with guy friends?

Talk about a loaded question. To answer in the simple possible way: yes, it is common to see girls with guy friends.  

However, gender relations at Notre Dame definitely leave something to be desired, but that doesn’t mean it’s completely unheardof to be friends with members of the opposite sex. Of course, this goes back to the age old question, can guys and girls be just friends? I strongly believe they can, and they can at Notre Dame just as well as they can anywhere else. Unfortunately, the dorm life as well as the attitudes of the general population doesn’t foster the healthiest of relationships between the sexes. 

I think what you’re referring to in the area of “strained relationships” are the double standards that can be found at a conservative school like ND. It is hard to get past the fact that guys can get away with a lot of things in their dorms that could get girls into a lot of trouble and it’s fairly common knowledge that single sex dorms don’t create the best gender dynamics.

There is a lot more to this than I can get into in a quick response. My advice? Be friends with whoever you want to be friends with. Don’t let awkward or uncomfortable gender restrictions keep you from being outgoing or meeting new people or trying new things. Don’t give in to the pressures or assumptions that go along with “typical” college behavior if you aren’t comfortable with them. 

Here are some brilliant HCND pieces that discuss this issue (mostly in satire): ND’s Fabulous Gender Relations, On Gender Dynamics and Satire, The Notre Dame Ten, 21 Signs You’re Notre Dating

Go Irish! HCNDXO

 

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Sara Spitt

Notre Dame

Meet HCND's current Campus Coordinator and Editor-in-Chief! Originally from outside of Chicago, Sara is a Senior Peace Studies, Theology, and Italian major at Notre Dame (yes, that is three majors; no, she doesn't have any free time). When she isn't painting her nails, Sara enjoys cooking vegetarian friendly dishes, taking pictures for The Dome yearbook, and reading for fun. Sara began writing for Her Campus Notre Dame in May of 2013 and quickly fell in love with the site and it's staff! After writing for the inagural editorial staff (shout-out to AnnaLee, Katie, and Lex!) for a semester, Sara decided to branch out and become an editor. She particularly enjoys doing interviews and sharing travel expereinces, as well as connecting with the HCND reader network through thought-provoking social commentaries. If you like what you read from her on a weekly basis, this self-proclaimed "Queen of Social Media" has several accounts for you to follow - twitter, instagram (@saraspit22), tumblr, and a blog!