The HAlarious Diana Vazquez

This week Her Campus attained the opportunity to profile one of Notre Dame’s funniest (as determined by number of her Tweets we’ve liked): Diana Vazquez.  I’ve (not so) seceretly been following Diana on basically every form of social media since I spoke to her once after English class because we had the same backpack and shoes (Herschel and Timbs). After she ran away before I could solidify our friendship, I made it my college career goal to secure an interview with her. Here it is. 

It took us a while to get this costume….

Back to Basics        

Name: Diana Vazquez (you’ll never guess my middle name)

Major: FTT w a concentration in film

Dorm: Pangborn, then BP, then my sweet apartment.

Year: 2k16

Hometown: Los Angeles, CA 90033

Relationship Status: single and working on my #SprangBrake2k16 body

Is this inappropriate?

Favorite Song: Tie between Ladies of Cambridge by Vampire Weekend, You Still Believe In Me by The Beach Boys

Life Motto: chill

Celeb Crush: Ezra Koenig

Notre Dame Crush: the O’Shag statue. Just kidding. I’ve had a crush on this guy in my major who looks like Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles since like freshman year. I’ve never even talked to him because I am a COWARD and I would never even have a chance! I’ve said too much oh no wait was I supposed to just say like an athlete or something? Damn.

5-year plan: Work for the LA Kings or the Dodgers

50-year plan: Be alive so I can own season tickets with nice seats for the LA Kings and Dodgers

What’s your biggest grammar pet peeve?

Honestly being annoyed at grammar is for petty people who have nothing better to be angry about. It’s a waste of time. I don’t bother with it.

What are your plans post-grad?

Please hire me @LAKings @Dodgers @ESPN @Disney @anyone

How many times have you cried about the future in the past week?

Dude, I saw The Big Short last Saturday and I realized the only way I’ll be rich is if I’m greasy and ugly and dishonest. So yeah, I cried a little.

World’s Biggest Kings Fan?

Twitter Queen

What’s the key to a great Tweet?

Knowing you can delete it if it doesn’t get noticed :-)

What’s been your proudest Tweet?

“You can delete the tweets but not the shame” (Rostam Batmanglij, ex member of Vampire Weekend, retweeted this)

Saddest tweet?

UHHHH All of my angsty freshman year tweets. Freshman year me was SO ugly.

Have you ever had a celebrity respond to one of your creepy tweets?

Yep! March 18, 2013: I tweeted to @arzE (Ezra Koenig) “I think Diane Young made me pregnant” to which he responded “Congrats!! How blessed”

This tweet is on a personalized mug that my good friend Emily Dargen got me. Embarrassing interaction but I’ll take it.

Can we follow you on Twitter?

Hell yeah my dudes. Hit me with that follow @staygolddiana.

Wow, cutie.

Irish Stuff

You work for Notre Dame Fighting Irish Media, what’s that like?

It’s LIT. I get to work with sweet cameras and point them at good looking athletes for the entirety of a sporting event. Best job on campus.

What’s the best part of your job?

Knowing my footage is being watched by people on TV. Like how cool is that? The things I point to and focus on reach people’s eyes. Too cool.

JW, what’s the deal with your Joe Schmidt obsession?

This is a rude and #ugly question! It’s not an obsession, I just think he’s cute that’s all. Now I feel like a creep. Boys could be reading this… JOE SCHMIDT COULD BE READING THIS. He won’t tho lmao I hope not oh god I’m sweating.

Hmm, okay. Whatever you say.

California Dreaming

You’re from LA, why Notre Dame and not someplace with better weather?

Damn, why you gotta do me like that… I’ve been in love with Notre Dame since I was a kid bc it was pretty, I was a hardcore Catholic, and my birthday is on St. Patrick’s Day so I saw it as some sort of ~SIGN~ Also, InDiana. And 317 (my bday) is an area code in Indiana. *Cue Owen Wilson softly exclaiming “wow”*

Do you plan on returning to Los Angeles?

YES. And I’m never leaving once I go back.

What’s the worst part of being away from California?

Subpar Mexican food. No taco trucks. No In-N-Out. No gorgeous glaring sunlight. NO PALM TREES. I miss palm trees. Ooh and that sweet April breeze. No beaches. No Disneyland. Ah, everything.

Best part? Um I guess there’s no Notre Dame Stadium in California, so Indiana wins this round

Notre Dame or USC? NOTRE DAME are you KIDDING ME!

 Wow, much California

Being Adult 

What’s your favorite Notre Dame bar?

The Backer. close second is O’Rourke’s on karaoke night. I’m trying to nail “Temperature” by Sean Paul next time I go.

What’s the most underrated bar in South Bend?

Probably Fiddler’s Hearth? Idk. I hear that place is chill. Finnie’s Next Door is nice I guess? 

Most overrated?

Feve. That place is lame as hell. Also, sorry to the guy whose jacket I ruined last year. Here’s what I did. I couldn’t hold in my vomit, so I started vomiting into empty cups. They all got full pretty fast, so I grabbed some guy’s jacket, shaped it into a little bowl, puked, then tied it up neatly and ran away. That must’ve been the worst present to ever open up. Poor dude.

What’s your take on townie interactions? 

Okay dude… Last Friday at Corby’s. Here I am with a slice of pepperoni za minding my own business outside in the patio and seconds into my first bite, some weird ass greasy lookin’ dude comes up to me and says, “ALL GUYS ARE BAD PEOPLE. We try to make it seem like girls are the crazy ones but you’re not. We’re the crazy ones. We’re all awful. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” Then I held my slice of pizza with my front teeth and ran back inside.

Who’s the worst bartender you’ve ever encountered?

None. These people have it hard. I can barely deal with drunk people when I’M drunk. I can’t imagine having to mix drinks and serve pints to idiots for hours at a time. TIP THE ‘TENDERS. 

HA

Tell us about your improv team? We’re the Humor Artists and we’ll fuck your shit up.

What’s the weirdest character/thing you’ve done? Hm… I once played a creepy uncle that apparently was memorable enough for random people to come up to me days later like “WHOA! You’re the creepy uncle girl! That was so pretty great.” Fame is fun.

What’s your most embarrassing on stage moment? None. I don’t feel embarrassed on stage. On stage Diana is confident, off stage Diana rehearses her Subway sandwich order multiple times in her head and STILL manages to accidentally order wheat instead of 9 gran honey wheat, all while stuttering.

Is SNL in your future?

Nah. I mean it would be cool, but I don’t think I’m ~dynamic~ or ~qUiRkY~ enough.

How can we join HA?

Audition at the beginning of each fall semester. Sorry if ur tryna join rn lol

When is your next performance?

Four days after you mope over how lonely and boring life is without a $3 stuffed animal and a carnation: February 18, 11pm, Legends. Come for the comedy, stay for the $2 domestic drafts and fake margaritas.

Thanks for living up to our expectations, Diana!

XOXO,

HCND

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All images taken from interviewee’s Facebook

• class of 2016
• Notre Dame