Inevitably, at some point during the school year or shortly after summer vacation begins, I find myself with a list of things I wish I’d known. You know, those things you wish someone had told you before you spent months being oblivious. Some of the things I’m going to tell you may be obvious, others not so much. There may even be a few that you’re going to insist on ignoring, but at least you won’t be able to look back and say, “But no one told me!”
Freshman Year Facts
1. Long distance relationships from high school rarely work out.
“We’re the exception,” I hear you protest. Honestly, you could be, but it’s unlikely. Unless you’re really confident that you’ve found the one, you may be better off coming to college single. I’m going to spare you my horror story, but trust me on this one, save yourself the heartbreak and come to college unattached and with an open mind.
2. You and your roommate probably won’t be best friends.
It’s okay if you and your roommates don’t become besties. It’s okay if you like completely different things and don’t want to hang out with each other in social settings. It’s okay if you want to go out and she doesn’t or vice versa. It’s even okay if you secretly hate your roommate. Some roommates are dream teams and some don’t really like each other. Remember, your roommate is just someone you have to live with, you don’t have to be best friends and it’s easier if you aren’t.
3. Wearing your lanyard around your neck is tacky.
This is the quintessential freshman faux pas. It is also the equivalent of wearing a neon bull’s eye that says “freshman.” The upperclassmen will know you’re a freshman regardless, but this makes us cringe.
4. You need to go see your professor as soon as you start to struggle.
Some people will tell you to go see your professors before you start to struggle in class, realistically, you probably won’t follow that advice. I didn’t at any rate. So, I’m going to tell you that as soon as you start to have problems, go see your professor or TA. The longer you wait, the worst things will get. The sooner you go, the better your GPA will be.
5. Your relationships with your friends from home are going to change.
Going off to college is a life-changing event. You’re going to learn so much and you’re going to become a different person. The same thing can be said of most of your high school friends. Don’t expect your relationships to stay the same. Your strongest friendships with still be there, but a lot of the more periphery people will fade from your priority list. This is completely normal! Don’t be sad that you feel like you may be losing friends, because you are making so many incredible new friends who will be in your life forever.
6. You will drink too much (once you turn 21 of course!)
Some of you may have been drinking for a while, but some of you may be pretty new to it (or completely new to it)! No matter what your experience with drinking is, odds are you’re going to go past your limit a few times (or a lot of times) trying to find it. It’s okay, that’s what hangover brunch is for. Try to learn from your mistakes each time and drink a little less in the future.
Sophomore Year Suggestions
1. Living with your best friend is not a good idea.
Congrats, you’re a sophomore! No more freshman faux pas for you. You finally get to live with whomever you want and you’re thinking about living with your best friend. I’m going to suggest that you rethink that. It’s not that you and your bestie don’t love each other, but you’re going to need a break from each other at some point. Living together may not give you the space you need to breathe and you don’t want to ruin all your fun by spending too much time together. Try living near each other, instead of with each other.
2. You don’t need to drink alcohol that you don’t like.
It took me longer than it should have to live by this rule. However, I’ve been happier ever since I started following it. I don’t like whiskey or bourbon, I can’t drink Natty or Keystone anymore, and I shouldn’t take tequila shots (ok, I still violate this one, but I don’t drink the rest). If you don’t like it, don’t drink it. I’m also going to add on that it’s not a crime to not finish your beer (unless it’s a good craft beer, in which case, finish your beer).
3. Having a “thing” with your best friend of the opposite sex isn’t a great idea.
I’ve been guilty of violating this rule more than once. But I’m going to tell you right now that having a thing or fling or dating or hooking up with someone you consider one of your best friends isn’t a good idea. For one, if it’s not mutual, you may make things really awkward. Two, if you get together and decide it’s not working, it can be hard to go back to being just friends. And three, odds are you’re going to get hurt. I’m not saying dating your best friend never works out, but proceed with caution.
4. You don’t need to double major or have a minor.
I can hear you protesting already. You may be suffering from “double major-itis” like many other Notre Dame students. So, I’m here to tell you that unless your second major directly applies to what you want to do, skip it. The same goes for having a minor. One of my biggest academic regrets is not dabbling in more subjects. Take time to explore in college, it’s probably the last opportunity you’re going to get.
5. Make the right study abroad decision for you.
This may sound somewhat vague, but if you don’t want to study abroad junior year, don’t. I also would tell you to pick your program very carefully. If you want an ND-centric program, London is a great option. If you want a really European-focused program, London is not the program for you. Studying in a country that doesn’t speak English may be great if you’ve been taking a language, but if you aren’t comfortable with speaking German 24/7 just yet, pick a place where you can speak the English to locals. Study abroad is usually a semester-long or even year-long commitment, make the right choice for you.
6. Be aware of how much you still have to learn.
It’s tempting as a sophomore to feel like you’ve figured it all out. You’re no longer a freshman and you know how everything works. With that being said, you still have a lot to learn. Remember all that time you had freshman year? Well, you’re only going to have less time and more to do with each passing year. The biggest favor you can do yourself sophomore year is to realize how much you still don’t know.
Junior Year Junctions
1. This is the most important year of college.
Some people may argue with me on this one, but I think junior year is really the junction for the rest of your college career and beyond. If you plan to get a job out of college (which a lot of students do. Hello, Mendoza!), the internship you get for the summer may determine your first real job. Don’t panic, I’m not trying to scare you, I’m just trying to impress upon you how important this year is for your future. If you’re planning on going to grad school after you graduate, it’s a good idea to start rounding up professors who are willing to write you letters of recommendation, prepping for tests like the LSAT, the GRE, the GMAT, etc. and realistically looking into where you want to apply. If you’re studying abroad, you’re going to have to be especially proactive about this.
2. You need to decide whether or not you WANT to write a thesis.
See the word “want” in big capital letters? That was deliberate. A lot of students feel like they should write a thesis or that they have to write a thesis, but most people don’t. If you’re applying to grad school, it’s not quite as optional as it ought to be. But if you don’t want to write a thesis, don’t. If you do want to write a thesis, pick a topic that you LOVE. Again, see the emphasis? If you don’t love your topic, you will hate it. And even if you love it, you still may hate it sometimes. This is completely normal. Choose wisely. Check out my article about deciding to write a thesis or not, here.
3. Drinking legally is not as much fun as you think it will be.
Some of you may have fakes, but plenty of you do not. Regardless of what your situation is, drinking legally is not as awesome as you think it’s going to be. If you’re abroad when you turn 21, it just feels like another birthday. If you have a late birthday, you may feel left behind or you may return from studying abroad and have to go back to not drinking at the bar. Whatever your circumstances, don’t feel bad about how old you are or aren’t. You aren’t missing much and the thrill of drinking at the bar wears off as soon as you’re allowed to do it. Forbidden fruit is always sweeter.
4. It’s time to decide if you’re serious about “that guy.”
“What guy?” you ask innocently. There are a few potential answers to this question, so I’ll do my best to address them all. It’s time to decide if you want to seriously date boyfriend-not-boyfriend (my best friend coined this term). This is that guy you act like a couple with, but deny you’re dating. Another option for “that guy” is your boyfriend. Have you been dating someone for a while? Is the spark there or isn’t it? If the spark isn’t there or you’re not getting along, it’s time to cut your losses. You can break up in person or during the summer when there’s some distance. “That guy” can also be some guy you’ve been crushing on, but who doesn’t know you like him. If you do, it’s time to tell him. Good luck, ladies.
5. Now is a really good time to learn how to cook.
If you’re studying abroad or living off campus senior year, this is not an option. You should know how to cook a few staple items like grilled cheese, pasta, quesadillas, chicken, etc. It’s also not a bad time to master an amazing guac recipe and an appetizer or two. If you study abroad, buy fresh ingredients and experiment with local dishes. If not, breaks at home or living in an apartment for your internship are as good a time as any to learn a few easy dishes. A woman’s place may not be the kitchen, but guys appreciate a girl who can cook and you can impress your female friends when you have a girl’s night in.
6. Learn how to be genuine.
I would argue that this could be advice for any year of college, but by junior year it’s really important that you’ve figured out how to be you. Because so many people study abroad, some friendships naturally just fade. This can be a really good thing, because when senior year starts, you’ll be left with the people you genuinely enjoy spending time with. Be yourself at all times and embrace the beautiful person that you are.
Senior Year Shenanigans
1. You don’t need to be engaged or dating anyone by graduation.
I wish this went without saying, but I feel like there is a pressure to be in a relationship if you aren’t, or to get engaged if you are. If you’re single, embrace it, love it, enjoy it! If you’re in a relationship, you’re not running a race. There’s no reason to rush into putting a ring on it. Don’t feel pressured. And if you have friends who are dating, stop asking when he’s buying a ring! Just enjoy the year and take it as it comes.
2. You may not go out all the time and you shouldn’t feel like you need to.
I was under the deluded impression that I was going to go out all the time senior year. I thought I would be at a different bar almost every other night and that I was going to drink all the time. The reality was that syllabus week was a struggle (I count that as the ultimate success), but I didn’t make it out again nightly until syllabus week second semester and then senior week. Most weeks I went out-out (to the bar) one night a week, to trivia once a week, had date night once a week, and casually drank another evening. So yes, four nights of my week usually involved alcohol, but not in huge quantities and it wasn’t a big production to get ready. Some people will go out every week (there are days when I really wanted to be an employed business major) but a lot of people won’t (hello, applications and four classes). Go out when you can and for all the major holidays, but don’t make your studies or your sleep suffer.
3. You’re getting old.
You need more sleep than you’ve probably gotten most of college and waking up in the morning after a heavy night of drinking is more of a struggle than you remember. You’re getting old, or old for a college kid. It’s okay if you don’t want to binge drink all the time or pull all-nighters. Respect your body. Have a good meal before you drink, don’t rage before home football games, and learn how to pace yourself. The real world isn’t as far away as you might like, but that’s no reason to be completely irresponsible until then.
4. Get out and explore South Bend.
Arguably, you should do this every year, but senior year is your last chance. Try out some new places. You can check out some great places downtown that I recommended during restaurant week here. Food is always an amazing way to get to know a city, but so is driving around or going to events like fairs and festivals. In case you missed it, here is my list of things to do this summer in South Bend. You can still do many of them when school begins in August!
5. Take pictures, but live in the moment.
You’re going to look back and be thankful that you took pictures to preserve the best moments of your senior year. With that said, don’t get so caught up in documenting the moment that you fail to experience it. Take more candid photos and less posed ones. Every time you pass the Dome, take a picture. But every time you pass the Dome you should stop to appreciate the fact that you get to walk past it every day. These really are some of the best days of your life, don’t get so swept up in everything that you can’t see that.
6. Realize that what you studied didn’t teach you what you needed to learn.
I was reflecting on this yesterday. I studied English at Notre Dame and while I learned a lot of English while I was here, I mostly learned how to read and be a person and think. Going to class made me a better English major, but the time I put into my education and my relationships and my commitments are what made me a better person. Most of what I learned in college came from being here, but very little of it came from being a student. You are learning to be the person that you are meant to be and the person that you want to be, embrace that experience. Sweat your grades a little less and enjoy life a little more.
7. Get out of your own way.
One bonus piece of advice for senior year! Get out of your own way. Stop thinking you have everything figured out and stop feeling like you need to have it figured out right now. You are on the cusp of the rest of your life and if you feel more confused and unsure than ever then you’re probably doing things right. Don’t be so stuck in your ways that you lose sight of what you really want. Don’t be so practical and don’t take a job that pays well if you know you won’t love it. Don’t talk yourself into things or out of them; just get out of your own way.
Think less, do more, love more, be yourself and figure out what it is that really makes you happy. The answer may surprise you, but it’s not too late to realize that what you want to be when you grow up isn’t what you always thought it was.
Best of luck! Enjoy every year. They are all magical and wonderful in their own ways!
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