I’ve been sexually active for about six years now. I’ve had my fair share of scares. It’s maybe the most gut-wrenching feeling in the world (other than when Marissa died on The OC, amiright?). If you’ve never gone through this, consider yourself the luckiest chickadee on the planet. I’m not going to get into birth control right now because I’ve tried it all and what works best for me (personally, everyone’s different) is the pill. Take it for three weeks, take the sugar pill for one week, get your period the same day every four weeks. Brilliant. I actually like getting my period because I like knowing that my body is still up and running.
So when you’re on the pill and you know you’re supposed to get it that Tuesday and you wake up and there’s nothing there, you panic. I do, at least. Full-fledged meltdown. Pacing in my room. Leaving my mom hysterical voicemails. Googling pregnancy syndromes. Mass texting my best friends “YOU GUYS I’M LIKE 99% SURE I’M PREGNANT. I’M NOT KIDDING.” (At this point I’ve done it enough that they just go “Okay, love you.”) And then I drink some water and calm myself down and pull it together and get through the day. Aaaand it’s 6 pm and I still haven’t gotten it. I have to go take a test. I have to go to CVS right now. Wait. I don’t want to go to the one too close to campus. What if someone recognizes me? That’s so embarrassing.
And then, the awful moment that anyone who isn’t in a monogamous relationship can probably sympathize with. Whose is it? I try doing the math in my head. He was two weeks ago. Or was it three? No, that was the other one. No wait. Wasn’t that last month? (I know a bunch of you are reading this and thinking “Oh my gosh, how can she not know who she’s slept with? And how has she slept with more than one guy in the past few weeks?” For the record, I remember everyone I’ve slept with but in moments of panic it’s a little hard to think clearly. And don’t judge me for having multiple partners. I see you sneaking those multiple cookies from Grab’N’Go. Yeah, that’s right. I went there.) So I’ll probably be having this internal monologue as I’m frantically running back to my room and then suddenly I’ll run into a friend and she’ll say “Oh gosh, hey girl, so glad I ran into you, do you have a tampon?” And I want to yell “Why are you rubbing it in my face?!” But I plaster on a smile and say “Sure! In my bathroom!” And I give her one and then I pee and oh, thank the universe, I got my period.
Point is, the human body is not perfect. And just because we’ve engineered medication to make our bodies work like a well-oiled machine, it doesn’t always do that. So if you’re late, don’t panic. And if you do need a pregnancy test, don’t go the CVS that’s close to campus. The old ladies give you serious judgement face.
Xx,
Gemma
*Need anonymous hook-up advice? Ask Gemma here.
pics: 1&2