This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Notre Dame chapter.
You guys have probably figured out that I love casual encounters. One night stands, friends with benefits, the whole nine yards. It’s a good time. But when you’re in love with someone, the sex is intimate. It’s special. It’s something only the two of you share, and I believe that some of the best sex that I’ve ever had has been while I’m in a relationship. So what do you do when the relationship ends? When you never see that partner again? Yes, the emotional repercussions can be earth-shattering, but how do you deal with the sexual backlash of a broken heart? (I just re’read that last line in Carrie Bradshaw’s voice and it felt ***flawless***)
Don’t rebound. Seriously. I began several sexual relationships after my most recent breakup, and it was the worst thing I could have done. My heart was broken and I was looking for a filler. I wanted fun. I wanted distractions. I worked so much during the day and I was terrified of going home at night and sitting by myself on my sofa with a bottle of wine, so I slept with people. They weren’t random people. I knew them all quite well and even began a relationship with one of them, but every time he was inside me, I would picture my ex. It was brutal. We would hook up, and he would think everything was fine and roll over and go to bed, and I would silently cry myself to sleep, wondering what my ex would think of me if he could see me in that moment. Not only had I “moved on” too quickly, but I was crying about him while in bed with another man. I tortured myself for nearly two months, and then one day I came to a harsh realization.
We had been in love. When two people are in love, the sex takes on a whole new meaning. And what we had shared was something that I would never experience with anyone else. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not jaded. I know I’ll love again and I’m not swearing off relationships. But the dynamic that he and I shared was particular to our relationship. I can’t try and force that with anyone else. And once I let that go, my sex life got back on track. I now share intimate experiences with people based off of my relationship with them, not any preconceived notions I have about what sex should be like. And guess what? I’ve had some pretty amazing sex since then.
We also have a tendency to see things through rose coloured glasses when we’re getting over someone. Yes, we hate them and we want their testicles to be slowly ripped from their bodies, but we still care for them. You know what I’ve found out? When we reminisce about sex with an ex, we usually make it out to be better than it was. So just let go. Discover new penises. The grass is always greener, and there’s no better time to learn that than when we are young, beautiful, and single.
Xx, Gemma
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