Learning to Accept a Compliment

Compliment: Noun. A polite expression of praise or admiration.

Have you ever been in a social situation and given someone a compliment? Whether you started a conversation by complimenting a person’s shoes or praising your friend for making the perfect guacamole for movie night, compliments are a natural and polite part of human interaction. It’s amazing that a few words of admiration have the capability of making a person’s whole day.

Compliments are good and fine, but occasionally something interesting happens when you’re on the receiving end.

For me, I love giving compliments. I like making people feel confident and happy. If I notice something good about someone else, I’m not afraid to let him or her know. But when someone compliments me, I sometimes feel uncomfortable or awkward, and I brush off the nice words by diverting the attention to something else. This was a habit I never really noticed in myself until I witnessed someone being called out for it.

I’m going to keep the names of the two people involved confidential and call them Person A and Person B. The two people were talking when Person A gave Person B a compliment. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? Person B replied, “Oh, it was nothing.” But then it got interesting – Person A called Person B out for not accepting the compliment.

“You need to learn to take compliments, Person B. Say ‘Thank you’ next time.” Person A said this lightheartedly in good will, but the exchange really stuck with me. Since then, I’ve noticed many people in my life who are extremely deserving of compliments brush them off without a second thought.

When I say people “brush off a compliment,” I don’t mean that they deny them outright. They may respond with, “Oh, your hair is so much more beautiful though!” Or “You should see how hard some kids at school work – I don’t even compare!”

Spitting out these excuses and diverting the attention to someone else may be a harmless habit that seems easy and natural – almost like clockwork. But stop and think – why do we do this? Why can’t we seem to just accept something nice that’s said to us and acknowledge our positive attributes, our accomplishments, and our worth?

Amy Schumer, one of Hollywood’s hottest comedians of the moment, acted in a sketch for Comedy Central that caught my eye and really hit home (Warning: The video contains some colorful words and explicit content, but the message really hits home!).

Did that video seem a little familiar to you? (Hopefully the ending doesn’t!)

At first glance you might think it’s nothing, just a force of habit coming from the fact that you don’t want to look self-absorbed or “braggy.” In fact, according to social psychologist Laura Brannon, women with high self-esteem may tend to reject compliments because they want to be seen as modest and self-effacing.

This behavior may be ingrained in women from an early age, according to health writer Leslie Goldman. “I think women are just kind of raised to seem humble,” Goldman said on the TODAY Show in 2011. In a world where women are becoming more and more vocal, powerful, and successful, it can still be a taboo to be too confident or cocky, so many people feel bashful when it comes to recognizing their successes.

Because of this, being unable to accept praise has become the norm. More often than not, you’ll find someone attributing their success or beauty or whatever being complimented to someone or something else or downplaying it entirely.

When I compliment someone, I genuinely mean what I say, and I want that person to know how I feel. There’s no shame in celebrating our successes, owning our look, or acknowledging our intellect; saying “thank you” doesn’t automatically make you arrogant and conceited. It makes you polite.

Remember what our moms taught us when we were little – always say “please” and “thank you?” Well when someone speaks well of us, let’s try to say “thank you” and recognize how amazing we are instead of downplaying our accomplishments. There’s no reason we can’t toot our own horns every once in a while. So go ahead collegiettes – accept the compliments because you are fabulous in your own special way and deserve to acknowledge it! 

XOXO, HCND

Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4

Images: 1, 2, 3

• amy schumer
• comedy central
• compliment