My coworker and I have recently started “talking.” We’ve been sexting quite a bit, and he’s made it clear that he wants to have a sexual relationship with me. Although I am extremely sexually attracted to him, my feelings for him are emotional as well. I’m worried that if I hop into bed with him, our relationship will never be anything but a physical one. I am so tempted to say yes, but I don’t want to end up hurt and rejected in the long run.
-Risky Business
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Dear Risky Business,
This is a tricky one. Becoming involved with a coworker is always a fine line. I think, first and foremost, you have to look out for your job stability. I’m not sure where you work or what you do, but what are the professional repercussions of being with a coworker? Make sure that you aren’t going to get in trouble if anyone finds out about this. If you’re in the clear to become involved with him, you have to figure out if this is something you really want. It sounds to me like you might be getting a bit ahead of yourself. How and why have your feelings for him developed in the emotional sense? Have you guys spent time together outside of work? Has he made an effort to get to know you? If the answer to these or similar questions is yes, then I say be up front with him. Just tell him that you’re not entirely sure if a sexual relationship would be the best move because your feelings for him go beyond that. If this has been an ongoing thing for a while, chances are he might feel similarly. Men don’t spend that long trying to get into a girl’s pants just for the hell of it – if he was just trying to get laid he probably would have moved on by now. That being said, I don’t if you guys have a relationship outside of work and sexting. Sexting isn’t the best basis for an emotional relationship. If there hasn’t really been any other effort outside of this, it sounds like he is just trying to get with you. Sometimes it can be hard for us to distinguish between lust and emotional connection. It sucks, but as women we are biologically programmed to feel connected to people we are sexually attracted to because they could, from an animalistic sense, be the fathers of our children. Men don’t have to deal with that because they don’t have the ability to carry a child inside their bodies for nine months. So sit down and be honest with yourself. Are you confusing your physical attraction for emotional intimacy? If the answer is yes, then end whatever it is you are doing with him because it’s just stirring the pot of confusion. The trippy thing about these kinds of situations is that there is no black and white. So weigh the pros and cons and figure out what exactly it is you’re going through. And, like I always say, put you and your heart first. That is all that matters.
Good luck, Gemma
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Hi Gemma!
I had a question about female, ahem, grooming. I am fairly inexperienced sexually and quite unaware of the norm when it comes to house keeping down under. Is there even a norm? Also, what can I expect from guys? Does it vary from guy to guy or is there a standard? Sorry if I’m awkward haha.
-Fifty Shades of Shaved?
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Dear Fifty Shades of Shaved,
You have no idea how happy this question makes me. It is something my friends and I discuss regularly because there are so many different factors to take into account. I’m going to directly quote a guy I’ve been hooking up with this summer: “If you’re rocking a bush it won’t stop me from f***ing you, but I definitely won’t go down on you.” Now. I have very mixed feelings about that. If I’m going down on someone (guy or girl) I definitely want things to be neat and trimmed, so I can’t be a hypocrite and ask someone to go down on me if I’m rocking the au naturale. But then we get into the whole feminist movement. I should be able to let my pubes run amok and not have to conform to some guy saying, “Eww, gross, get rid of it.” It really just comes down to personal preference. I am regularly in a bathing suit because A) it’s the summer, and B) I model, so when you’re running around backstage, pulling on skin tight outfits, and wearing somewhat revealing clothing, it’s in everyone’s best interest to be hairless down there. Most guys appreciate the cleanliness factor when it comes to sex, too, so it’s killing two birds with one stone. I wax. I cannot stress this enough. I used to shave (and sometimes I still do if it’s short notice) but it is not worth the hassle. You have to deal with stubble and ingrown hairs and the idea of accidentally nicking the skin down there gives me nightmares sometimes. At Notre Dame I go to Nicholas J, the spa on Eddy Street. Ask for Kristina. She is amazing. Very thorough and efficient, and it’s not that expensive, about $60 for a full Brazilian. I’ve paid upwards of $120 in Chicago and LA. Go every four weeks like clockwork, and I swear your life will change. Trimming is the second best option. Buy one of those little electric trimmers and just keep the growth under control. This is especially great in the winter because you don’t really need the full Brazilian if you’re not going to be in a bathing suit. In the winter I tend to wax my bikini line by myself (Sally Hansen makes really good at home waxing strips) and keep the rest of it trimmed. In my experience, most guys have been trimmed. Bradley Cooper started the whole manscaping trend, and life has really turned around for us members of the sexually active community since then. You’ll come across some bushes every now and then, and when that happens I just opt to not go down on them. But most guys are pretty good about keeping things under control. Here’s the thing – pubic hair is natural and healthy and actually necessary for protecting our lady parts. So staying completely hairless all of the time isn’t healthy. Go in a cycle – get a wax, let it grow out, and then get a wax again. It’s a great system. But you do you. At the end of the day, most guys don’t really care. They’ll just be excited to have a naked girl in their bed.
Enjoy being smooth, Gemma
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