Recently, a few innocent freshmen asked me, a wise old sophomore, about finals. “Are they worse than high school?” “What are they like?” Well fresh meat, I am here to tell you just exactly what will occur during this year’s finals week. Take copious notes on these stages of finals week. This will be on the final!
Determination
*note: For most, this stage typically only lasts about 2.5 seconds
It’s the week before finals week, you open your assignment notebook and you write down everything you have to accomplish. You’re feeling good, you’re making a schedule; planning everything out – you can do this! You are so motivated to get A’s on everything and bring up all of your low grades. Bring on the endless piles of notecards! Let’s stay up all night studying! Who needs sleep? I’m not going to go out this weekend!
Depression
As you reread everything in your assignment notebook, you reevaluate how much you have to get done. And then, the tears come. This is just not fair. Why do you have so much to do? You just want to go home. You’re so close but so far away. Some people have an easy finals week, why is yours going to be so hard? What did you do to deserve this!? (You end up going out that weekend)
Acceptance
It’s here. It has finally hit you that no matter how long you hide under your covers, or hit “next episode” on Netflix, finals aren’t going away.You have no choice. You pack up your backpack and head out for some study time wearing your finest sweatpants and your most fashionable hoodie. This is the absolute last thing you want to do right now, but you know you have to do it eventually.
Distraction
You’re at the library. You sit down all ready to go, but then something funny happens and you have to tweet about it. And then since you’re already on the Internet why not check Facebook too? And then you realize you never checked Instagram from the night before. And then Buzzfeed. And something on Buzzfeed reminds you of your best friend so now you’re back on Facebook posting it on their wall. Then you check your e-mail, you never know, maybe the professor decided to cancel the final. And you need some background music so you go on Pandora. Then your phone vibrates, a text from your friend. You have to respond otherwise that is just rude. While you have your phone you check Instagram one more time. A new follower request, now you have to look at every single one of their photos. Now you have to see if anyone favorited that tweet from earlier. And then you realize its 6 PM and you’re hungry so you deserve a dinner break right?
Anger
You’ve exhausted every single website, app, and social media site and now you are just mad at yourself. You realize how much you haven’t gotten done and hate yourself for wasting so much time. You’re hitting yourself for not being able to focus. Get it together!!! You crack open a book, tune out the world, and actually are productive for a while. You’re mad at yourself for not getting down to business from the second you started, but at least you’re on the right track now.
Delusion
You’ve been studying for hours and days and it feels like forever. 8000 facts for 5 maybe 6 different subjects are floating around your head and taking over your brain. Biology is mixing with marketing, and suddenly you think that ‘cell membrane’ is the answer to every question. You’re writing a paper and wait, how do you spell your last name again? Is your brain still there? The person next to you knocks a book off their desk and you just start laughing. You can’t stop laughing. You are so tired, and so done with studying that you are slaphappy. You cannot take it anymore, your brain has said no but you have to finish that paper. You kepe writing beut the words are tueurning intow- jopds[afpa……..
Forfeit
You wake up at 3 AM with an imprint of a keyboard plastered across your forehead and a word document full of GGGGGGGGGGGG… for 7 pages. Your body is crying out for your bed. Finals: 1 You: 0. Finals have officially won, and you pull a piece of loose-leaf out of your notebook and wave it as your white flag as you surrender your life, your grades, and your whole semester. You close the books, zip up your backpack and make the trek back to your room where you can finally sleep. You gave it everything you’ve got, finals week has done it again. May the odds be ever in your favor.
Therese Burke is a Saint Mary’s Contributor to Her Campus Notre Dame.