In retrospect, at some point this summer transformed from the “Summer of Trying New Things” to the “Summer of Trying Crazy Things.” And let me tell you – it’s a fine line. But, YOLO, right?
So, for this installment of the True Life Summer Series, we’re going to talk about the time I tried a juice cleanse.
Juice Cleanses have been a Hollywood favorite crash diet for years. It’s basically a fast, in which you drink only fresh pressed fruit and vegetable juice – and nothing else. The purpose is to allow your digestive system to “rest” by giving it concentrated nutrients (fresh juice) that it can readily absorb without digestive effort. It’s a method that has been endorsed by celebrities, doctors, celebrity doctors and holistic health supporters everywhere. Australian Joe Cross even made a popular documentary, Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. The documentary followed him on his 60 day juice fast, which he swears saved his life.
To most reasonable human beings, the idea of voluntarily cutting out solid food from your diet probably sounds absolutely ludicrous, which is why I limited the number of people whom I told I was trying it. But my friend Mary responded positively to the idea, and we decided to give it a shot together. We ordered three days’ worth of fresh, cold-pressed juice for the weekend – five 16 oz. juices and one almond milk a day. There are five juices that come as the standard cleanse, but you have the option of substituting out the flavors you don’t like (I opted out of a pure carrot juice).
So my five were:
oh yeah. – kale, collard, apple, and lemon
c ya. – orange, grapefruit, apple, and ginger
whoa. – beets, apple, kale, and ginger
ting. – spinach, celery, green apple, and lime
snap. – apple, carrot, and ginger
The “oh yeah.” and “whoa.” juices were definitely my least favorites. Pure kale, collard, and beet are just way too strong for me – especially as a super concentrated juice. My favorite was “ting.” which tasted mostly like green apple.
Mary came over for “breakfast” on the first day, a Friday morning. The first juice I picked was “c ya.”, a yummy orange juice-based drink that was perfect for breakfast. However, about halfway through the bottle, I didn’t feel like finishing it. Not because I was full, but because I was tired of only tasting this one thing. With that first juice, I dreaded my next fourteen “meals”. The juices are to be consumed about every 2-3 hours to keep from getting hungry, so I packed a few to keep in the fridge at work for the rest of the day. I started to feel…odd, for lack of a better word in the next few hours. I wasn’t dizzy or weak, but I felt light and kind of floaty. Around 2:30pm, I felt really, really sleepy. At an average of ~200 calories per juice, I had really only had less than 500 calories all day. I had a terrible headache, I was irritable, I felt bloated from drinking so much liquid, and I was going to the bathroom every twenty minutes. And I was so tired. But interestingly enough, I didn’t feel hungry at all.
I caved around 5pm when I couldn’t deal with the headaches anymore and ate an organic banana. I read a few articles revealing that raw fruits and vegetables during the cleanse are allowed for beginners, but it still felt like I was cheating. The headache lessened, but my tiredness didn’t, especially when I returned to my 9th floor apartment to find that the elevator was down. Around 7pm, Mary and I went to Whole Foods and got raw almonds and avocados to eat with dinner.
That miserable day was probably the most successful in terms of the detox, seeing as we progressively threw in cheats such as tacos and gelato for dinner on Day 2, reasoning that it was our last weekend in town before moving home for the rest of the summer. I decided to continue with a half-cleanse for the rest of the week, replacing breakfast and lunch with juice and allowing solid food at dinner, and I continued to have horrible headaches. In the end, weighing all pros and cons of the juice fast, I’m definitely glad I gave the crazy idea a chance – but I don’t think I’ll be giving up food again any time soon.
Photo 1 by Mary Caillouet, 2