Sometimes, there’s nothing better after a long day of classes than crawling into bed and relaxing peacefully… but sometimes, the door to your room is locked and the ‘extra roommate’ is over.
The top definition for sexile on Urban Dictionary is “to banish a roommate from the room/dorm/apartment for the purpose of engaging in intimate relations with one’s significant other/sex partner.” It may last an entire night, or may occur during the day if your roommate is a stickler for rules. Either way, you still end up inconvenienced. With pop culture promoting the action and forums like College Confidential confirming the prominence of sexiling, there are ways on both sides to act like adults about it.
For the Sexiled
1. Give your roommate space.
Like you, your roommate is trying to make the most of her college experience. Your roommate is free to make the choices she does with her life, so every once in a while, give her the alone time. Take it as a new opportunity. You may be able to find a planned event on campus you can attend or go explore parts of campus you are unfamiliar with. Sometimes, doing work in the library or hanging out in a friend’s room may be the quick solution you need.
2. Talk about it with your roommate.
Ask for some heads up as to when your extra roommate is coming over and figure out how long is long enough to be out of the room. Having boundaries is a healthy way to keep your relationship with your roomie stable. There’s no deadline for this, either. Keeping dialogue open means that rules can be flexible, and that when circumstances change, the boundaries can as well.
3. Be firm in your agreement.
Don’t let your roommate take advantage of your generosity if she disregards the boundaries you set! Talking with her (and if things are bad enough, a mediator or RA) allows for there to be an environment where compromise can occur and situations can resolve peacefully.
For the Sexiler
1. Be courteous.
For better or for worse, a dorm room is a shared space. Giving your roommate fair warning before locking the door falls under courtesy, as well as keeping things to your part of the room. After locking your roommate out, removing the evidence of the third roommate being there is a must.
2. Thank your roommate for understanding.
Whether it’s following the rules you set or sometimes crossing them, letting your roommate know that you appreciate their understanding is gracious. Going out of your way to do something for your roomie is also a great gesture. Buying them ice cream in the Huddle or spending a night together watching Netflix are two ways to show your appreciation.
3. Keep talking with your roommate!
Conversations aren’t one-sided, and knowing how each of you feel about the situation makes sure that no assumptions are made. This also prevents your roommate from being the bad guy if she’s the one always bringing up the situation.
All in all, living with a roommate is about compromise and communication, no matter the situation. But when three’s a crowd, conversations are the best way to find conflict resolution.
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