So Glastonbury announced that they’re banning ‘Indian-style’ Native American headdresses from the festival as of 2015 (about time in my opinion, cultural appropriation is not something a festival should be promoting or encouraging, and other festivals should follow suit), so here’s my personal list of things that should also be on list of things to get rid of:
1. Flares
They block everybody’s view, the smoke hurts your eyes if you’re too close, and they’re dangerous. No thank you.
2. Flags
Again, they’re blocking the view of the main stage. Who are these people that can be bothered to hold these massive flags up all day for three days? Keep them in the campsite flying from your tent if you must bring them at all.
3. ‘Alan!’
I’m not being discriminatory against the percentage of the population called Alan, I mean the annoying tradition of shouting ‘Alan!’ and someone replying ‘Steve!’ that was funny years ago and now just needs to stop. It’s time has passed.
4. ‘Get your tits out’
Women and girls that get on their friend’s shoulders do it because they want to get a better view of the band and sing along to their favourite song, not be yelled at to take her top off.
5. Obnoxious people
The majority of people you meet at a festival are lovely and friendly (there’s something special about the bond between campsite neighbours), but there’s that minority of absolute idiots that think they own the place and can do and say whatever they like. Also people that steal chairs from campsites. They’re just not nice people.
6. Throwing cups of wee
‘Is it warm, oh god, is it warm?!’ is generally the question you don’t want answered with a ‘yes’ when you’ve just be pelted with an unknown liquid right in the face. Just pray its beer. Every time, pray its beer.
7. Rain
I may sound like a wimp saying rain should be banned, but if you’ve been at a festival where its rained non-stop for four days and not just a bit of drizzle full on pouring down, you’ll know it’ll put a little bit of a dampener on things (pun intended).
8. Doing your business anywhere other than the toilet
If you haven’t been to a festival, this might sound a bit weird. However, having experienced waking up to find a giant dump outside my tent, I feel pretty strongly about this one.
9. Mankinis
I don’t need to see all of that. I really don’t.
10. Ridiculously expensive food
£10 for a mediocre, barely warm pizza? A sham of a roast dinner for 8 quid? No thanks. And I’m not paying a fiver for a pint of Tuborg either, thanks, it isn’t even that nice.
What would you like to see banned? I’m sure there’s plenty more than the 10 I’ve managed to come up with here.
Sources
Image Sources
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-18752725
http://www.nme.com/festivals/photos/glastonbury-festival-2008-friday-june-27/122078/2/2
Writer’s own (chair and pig sign)
Edited by Amelia Bauer-Madden