Being in a long-distance relationship, let alone at university, brings a lot of stigma – but I’m here to tell you that it’s not as scary as you may think! It’s also important to note that every couple is different, and some may find it much harder than others. With any long-distance relationship, the crucial part is patience and trust. Being patient with yourself and your partner and ensuring you remember that the way you feel is valid, as well as them, should be some of the central aspects of your distant connection. Your partner may struggle more of less than you and express that struggle in ways which you may not understand initially, but understanding this concept can help enormously.
Buckle up for an article of hard truths and tough realisations!
Communication
From the get-go, communicating to each other on how you feel is essential. You can do this by setting some ground rules or talking about what you expect. If your partner expects one thing and you expect another, it can get very tricky. Being able to communicate your commitments such as establishing a time you can both call in the evenings to talk about your day or having a virtual date night every week. Even the most mundane things can make a big difference and communicating even in the smallest ways can be reassuring. Connecting from afar means that FaceTime, Netflix party and messenger will become your new best friend!
On the other hand, communicating too much can have its negative effects. Either way, (depending on the relationship) feeling connected varies – so by all means talk as little or as much as makes you both feel comfortable and loved. Trust is one of the most important aspects of any relationship, let alone a long distance one. Comfort and reassurance can help maintain trust, and this wouldn’t be (or would be very hard to be) achieved without a good form of communication.
Interdependence
Naturally, interdependence is more frequent during long-distance relationships. Unlike co-dependence, where a relationship relies heavily on the dependence of each other and can sometimes prevent couples from individual growth, interdependence is where partners recognise and value the importance of their emotional ties whilst simultaneously maintaining a sense of self and individuality within the relationship. This can come in the form of freedom to make decisions for yourself and doing your own activities yet maintaining an emotional and shared bond with your partner.
Co-dependence tends to be less successful than interdependent relationships and would certainly prove beneficial especially at university. As a university student in a long-distance relationship, you may find yourself with a new set of friends, hobbies, and engagements – but you shouldn’t feel guilty about that. Being able to pursue your own individual interests is essential and finding the balance between that and being in sync with your partner, doing things as a couple and having traditions are a great way to practice interdependence. Once again, communication and having a conversation about how comfortable you would both feel living interdependently and pursuing what’s best for yourself is key.
As well as maintaining good communication and pursuing your own lives, being able to have special moments and connections as a couple is a beneficial way to feel valued and loved from a distance. You can find something to look forward to together, such as planning a summer holiday together or your next visit to see one another. Even little things like watching a movie over FaceTime or using the NoteIt app goes a long way! In a relationship, there will be arguments and disagreements, miscommunication, and sensitive topics – however, the way in which you address these situations is what truly matters.
Having a long-distance partner can test your strength, and when you get out at the other end, you’ll be stronger than ever.