So, it turns out that one of the many unique things about British culture that catches the confused attention from those outside of the UK is not the amount of alcohol we drink, nor our obsession with a roast dinner, nor our love of a cup of tea, but rather our use of ‘xx’ at the end of our messages.
Let me explain…. it wasn’t until my year abroad when I began texting my friends from outside of the UK that I realised that adding ‘kisses’ in the form of ‘xx’ to the end of our texts is not a universal mode of communication.
This is when it occurred to me, simply how can other countries live without such a nuanced and, frankly, quite powerful texting weapon that takes the form of ‘x’? Now for those of you that didn’t know this, I’ll let this sink in for a moment…. And for those of you that did know this, can we just take a moment to appreciate that this is something that is so unique to the UK? Now, for those of you reading that are not from the UK or are from the UK but want to understand how we communicate with ‘xx’, I’m here to try and explain just how deeply nuanced this form of communication is.
Let me set the scene: you’re on Hinge and someone texts you with a ‘x’, it is only socially acceptable to respond with ‘x’ and not ‘xx’ or ‘xxx’ for that matter – that is dating suicide. But why, why is it dating suicide? Well, let me tell you because whoever sets the first premise of the number of ‘kisses’ at the end of the messages sets the scene for the whole talking stage. If someone even dares to increase the number of texts at some point, the panic sets in, do I or don’t I increase the number of x’s I send? Has this person fallen in love with me? Or the opposite, the person stops sending ‘xx’s’… have they lost interest?
A ’x’ can really mean a thousand words. Particularly, on the dating/ situationship/ talking stage scene – now I can’t comment on the relationship side of things, as I have never been in one, but I feel it relaxes in a certain way when you’re in a relationship, as it really doesn’t matter if you do or don’t send them ‘xx’s’ … unless you are angry, but I’ll get into that later. But what I can say is you are extremely brave if you are the one that increases the number of ‘xx’s’ you send to someone, because the anxiety of waiting to see if their response is reciprocated is terrifying… the ‘x’ in this sense appears to have become a benchmark for growing romantic feelings for someone!
Now, I could talk about the nuances of ‘xx’s’ on the dating scene for ages, but for your sake, I will move on to the nuances within the friendship scenario.
Let me reset the scene: your friend has done something that really annoyed you or upset you, and you send a message without a ‘x’, or worse you send the passive-aggressive ‘x’ one singular ‘kiss’ …. because I don’t know about you, but I never send to my friends the one singular ‘x’ unless something’s up, or the situation requires me to send the classic ‘I’m fine x’ text, to really get the point across.
‘I’m fine x’ has got to be the shortest sentence in the English language that holds so much power and meaning. If I send a ‘I’m fine x’ text, I’m really not fine – I’m either struggling, angry, upset, or to be totally honest this could be used for any circumstance… and if I receive a ‘I’m fine x’, I know that the person that sent me that really isn’t fine.
If you fall out with or stop talking to someone and you send the ‘Have a nice life x’ message and that really just hits so much harder than without the ‘x’, because it just conveys so much passive aggressiveness, I love it!
If you’re excited to see someone or are thanking them for a wonderful day, the number of ‘xx’s’ used is likely to increase to express a level of gratitude and love.
‘Xx’s’ really were designed to be simple virtual kisses, yet, us Brits have managed to turn this around and create a compact coded message. It’s generally understood that the more kisses you add, the more you care for someone, the more affection you are expressing, or the more sarcastic you’re being with the extreme use of ‘xxxxxxx’ to the end of a text for comical inference.
Though, I would like to add that women generally are more liberal in the number of ‘x’s’ that they send in their messages compared to men, of whom are likely to only send ‘x’s’ when they are talking to someone romantically, and not with friends, unless they deeply care for them, or with family, for example.
So, note out there for anyone who is in a relationship with someone from the UK, if they stop putting ‘xx’s’ at the end of their messages, check that they are okay and maybe go out and buy some flowers…
One final thing that I will say, otherwise I’ll end up writing my dissertation on the nuanced meanings of sending ‘xx’s’…. is that when my friends from abroad send me ‘xx’s’ at the end of their messages it makes my heart explode because it just means so much that they have recognised this trait of mine and use this when we’re texting. This is one very British trait that I love xxx.