Having been through a breakup this summer where I thought the world was genuinely going to end, I have spent the last 5 months of this year trying to date myself, and as cliche as this sounds, I think I might be the happiest Iâve ever been. I donât want this article to come off as a âlove yourselfâ rant, but instead a warm hug or a smile and a wave to say âyou’re doing amazing, honeyâ. This advice is not just for the broken-hearted though! I think that everyone should try to start dating themselves; the only person who you spend your entire life with is yourself, so take some time to learn about the things that you love, discover new hobbies, and set yourself a goal to do something nice – just for you – every day.
I found a lot of comfort and solace in finding people on social media who were a margin ahead of me in their breakup experience, as I found it really encouraging to see people who were a little further on and starting to heal. For me, it was so important to fill my âfor you pagesâ with hope, because social media can be a real b*tch at the best of times! Feel the feels, but try not to give in to the heart-aching songs and quotes from people on the internet who are also hurting.
I canât take credit for this idea, but a creator on TikTok (@/daniellevizcarra22) made a series called âdoing something fun after work until I feel alive againâ and the playlist she created possibly changed my life; I really struggled with boredom, and filling the times of the day where I would usually speak to him was hard, especially when friends around me were not free at the times where I was loneliest, and it became very easy to wallow in my own sadness with my breakup playlist on repeat. Instead, I made a promise to myself to try to do something nice everyday, even if it was just for 10 minutes. Not only does filling your time with new hobbies and experiences help to distract from the pain of a breakup, but it helps you to learn more about things that you love, as it is easy to fall into a rut, or get out of the habits of self care when you’re in a relationship.
Take yourself for a walk to your local ice cream place and sit and enjoy an ice cream and just listen to the world for a bit without music; go to the shops and buy yourself the two cheapest flower bouquets and arrange them in a vase when you get home; sit outside in your garden and feel the sun on your face for 5 minutes; or find a new coffee shop and vow to visit and try a new cake every single time you go! Start a book that’s been on your tbr for a year; write poetry; bake cookies; and enjoy them all yourself. Listen to a new album every week; try making something out of air dry clay; consume new media and write reviews. Cook yourself a fancy dinner with a glass of white wine; or if you’re lucky enough to live near the beach go and look for sea glass in the stones or paddle in the waves. Keep doing something fun for yourself every day, because without even realising, it will become âdoing something fun after work because it makes me feel alive againâ.
No matter where you are in your post-breakup or self-love journey, please be gentle to yourself.
And a final reminder: if you are trying to learn to love yourself, you already do; you are trying, because you love yourself, and that is a feat in itself.