So the dreaded hallmark holiday has finally past but that lonely feeling still lingers for us singletons #stilleatingmyfeelings. The ‘Post Valentine’s Day Blues’ are not uncommon. If you think you are the only one spending hours listening to Adele or The Wanted whilst consuming a whole bag of Revels and proclaiming you are forever single… you are not. Although you may feel lonely, you are not alone – there are plenty of singletons in Nottingham. Who wants to be taken at university anyway? There are plenty of v-days in the future that you can celebrate… the motto for now is YOLO. Personally, I’d rather go fishing in the Big O. On an average day, I am sure most of you couldn’t care less if you’re cuddling on the sofa and would much rather go out, get messy and do the nasty. However, I can appreciate that this day of all days, niggles at our inner romantic side. This is why I have compiled a list of do’s and don’ts in this ‘Post Valentine’s Day Blues Period’.
Do Nots:
- Do not listen to Taylor Swift.
- Repeat…do not listen to Taylor Swift, especially ‘Teardrops on My Guitar’, what a terrible song.
- Eating your feelings – massive no. It may feel great at the time but remember a minute on the lips is a lifetime on the hips. So think before you go to Sainsburys and your car starts veering towards McDonalds drive-through, free student cheeseburgers are the devil. Nobody wants to bone a beached whale.
- Friends with boyfriends – don’t listen to their romantic lovey-dovey vomit stories – just pretend to, nod, smile and feign you are happy for them – works every time.
- Friends without boyfriends – again, don’t listen to them mope about how tragic their day was, just pretend, nod, smile and tell them how much action they are going to get this week.
- RomComs – are you JOKING? Don’t watch them. This is not the time or place. Stick to thrillers or movies with stories about people that have sadder lives than you do.
- Online dating – desperate times call for desperate measures, but you are not that desperate. Stay away from Match.com.
- Drunk texting your ex – he is your ex for a reason. Remember that.
- Don’t be a stingy student. Stay away from the Valentine’s Day clearance section, especially multipack heart chocolates.
Dos:
- Post Valentine’s Day blues antibiotics: go get yourself a guy. (If you need help in that department see previous blog ‘Going Fishing’).
- Stay Sexy – Gurl… get your ass to the gym, put Kanye’s workout plan on and pretend you are one of the girls in the video.
- Keep busy – if you are sitting in your room with depressing music on repeat, you are not helping yourself. Get a life.
- Go to Hallward – there is nothing better than eyebanging the hell out of a Hallward hotty. Put your best clothes on, do your hair and get yourself to the library even if it is to just sit in the café. You could even casually drop your pen…
- The ‘you’re in my seminar’ game (clubs & bars only) –It’s a win/win situation. Pretend you recognize him from your seminar, ask all the questions so you don’t make a fool out of yourself. If it works, mazel tov if it doesn’t then you have still started a conversation with your potential pull of the night.
- Shopping. There is nothing better than a bit of retail therapy, the better you look the better you feel.
- If you have already eaten your feelings and gained your Freshers 14 all over again, then go buy some shoes, they always fit!
- Be a cougar. Go on, try it. There’s nothing better than fresh meat. You could even try and do a Campus 14…
- Ann Summers – The best shop known to womankind. Pay this shop a visit, there are treats in all shapes and sizes. A personal favourite is the penis pasta but that won’t suffice in this post valentine’s day blues period. I would suggest their most popular product, your soon to be new best friend. It’s not embarrassing. If you can’t find a boyfriend, then why not buy the most important part, you will thank me later. #remembertheextrabatteries
Yolanda London
xoxo