Parents on Facebook – To Friend or Not to Friend?

Long gone are the days when social networking websites were the domain of alternative-music-lovers, 13 year-olds and hipsters. Now everyone who is even a little bit technology-savvy has access to these sites, and Facebook is by far the most popular.

But is this a good thing? The dangers of being too open online are obvious: everything from prospective employers seeing your compromising drunken photos, to being stalked by unwanted strangers. But there are other risks to Facebook, other people who you may not want seeing what you get up to online…parents.

From the day my Mum opened up her Facebook account when I was 15, I was reluctant to accept her friend request. Under no circumstances did I want her seeing various photos of me at house parties drinking underage with a guilty borrowed cigarette in hand. I didn’t want her telling me off for my colourful teenage language on wall-to-wall conversations with friends. I didn’t even want her seeing those friends. I’d done a pretty good job of hiding my slightly-naughtier alter-ego from my parents, and Friending my own mother on Facebook wasn’t the way to keep it up. But a couple of years down the line I decided enough was enough. I was finally old enough to get away with most of the things that I did, regardless of whether or not my parents approved of them. So I humbly searched my mum’s name and clicked the ‘Add As Friend’ button, already fearing I would made a terrible mistake.

So is it such a bad thing to have your parents as Facebook Official Friends? Is it really only OK (or at least, necessary) once you’ve flown the nest? Isabella Bruce (first year German student) persistently rejected her mum’s requests until she left for university, and so far it’s going fine: “Mum loves checking us in via Facebook when we go somewhere interesting as a family!” she says. But not everyone’s parents are as Facebook-able. Amy Burley (first year Nurse) tells how her mum accidentally sent her boyfriend’s best friend a Friend Request: “I told her what she’d done and she had no idea.”

One of the major perks of befriending your parents is the ease of communication. Jo Broad (first year Sociology) says that sometimes it’s nice to be able to talk to her mum via comments and messenger instead of a phone call. “It lets her know that I’m still alive and well without needing to put aside half an hour for a chat”. And even allowing your parents to see you in photos from a recent night out means that they can be sure you’re up, about and happy. Which really can be a big weight of a parent’s mind; especially when they’re still getting used to living without their baby! “I’m on Facebook every day. It’s a really good way to see whether your children are still in the land of the living – but I only go on to their profiles if they haven’t appeared on my newsfeed for a while,” says one mum. “I like to see photos of their new friends, to be able to put names to faces!”

But what happens when parents go too far on Facebook? Megan Bryant (first year History) was the unfortunate victim of her dad’s new Facebook account when he decided to upload a collection of old family photos and tag her in them. “He caught me right in the Dark Days!” says Megan. And Nathan Berkley (First year Chemistry) had to Un-Friend his Mum after one-too-many real life references to his online activity! “I didn’t need Notifications because I had Mum,” he says. “She’d come and tell me whenever someone had written something on my timeline or uploaded a photo of me – it just got too annoying!”

Nathan still has his Dad as a Friend on Facebook however; primarily because he doesn’t really use it. Dads certainly seem to be the least guilty of the parents. My own Dad is very Facebook-covert as he only has three friends: my Mum, brother and me! He even ignored Friend Requests from his sister-in-law because, he claims, he “only uses Facebook to keep an eye on you kids!”  

There are definite pros and cons to parents on Facebook. But once they’ve got to grips with what is acceptable and what-is-not, (Note: I’d personally recommend going over use of the winky-face as opposed to the smiley-face with them before they set up an account: to save potential embarrassment. Parents often don’t realise the connotations of the winky) they tend to be pretty well-behaved. It’s always worth remembering that parents know the things we get up to when we’re away from them. In fact they probably imagine a whole lot worse than reality!

Still working out the technicalities…

Awkward photo comments…

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