This year, I spent Valentine’s Day eating as much as possible, mostly chocolate shaped sheep which my mum sent me as a sort of sympathy “oh you’re alone again” present. This was then followed by the obligatory single girl tip to a club where I attempted to prey on some good looking hunks. Unfortunately, eating your body weight in chocolate shaped sheep made it difficult to squeeze into my “come get me boys” dress. But more to the point, they were not enough to line my stomach and by 1AM I was getting well acquainted with the toilet. It was then I decided that enough was enough! Spring is on its way and love is in the air! Whether you’re looking for a summer fling or something more serious, I have decided that it doesn’t matter if you’re dating Prince Harry (I wish), or the pizza delivery boy (another personal dream), there are five universal things you should never ever do on a date.
- DON’T spray it, say it. This may seem obvious but after one horrific experience involving me exclaiming my excitement about seeing some unusual birds, the poor boy ended up with some saliva located somewhere on his chin. Understandably, he never called so I have concluded that you should always reserve excited outbursts for a at least four foot separation. Nobody and I repeat nobody wants spit on their face.
- DON’T eat like a pig. As my grandmother would say, “manners maketh the man” (or in this case, woman) and however yummy the food might be, nobody wants to see the chewed up saliva encrusted contents of your mouth. Also, stay away from any typically tricky foods. Notably spaghetti bolognaise; the danger lies in the fact that it may look like a vampire has massacred your face.
- DON’T be a princess, offer to pay. Even if you’re dating the next Bill Gates, it’s always polite to offer to pay your share. Not doing so may result in them thinking that a) you’re a total money grabbing princes and b) awkwardness, because if you really are dating the pizza delivery boy, trying to woo a girl on minimum wage is never easy
- DON’T bring up the ex. And definitely, don’t talk about the amount of naughty sleepovers you’ve had. Even if you’ve been living like a nun for the past few months, no guy who is taking you on a date want’s to hear about your previous conquests.
- DON’T lie. Whilst it may seem appealing to say that you’re an internationally renowned figure skater with more awards than you can fit in your house, the truth will always come out! Just be honest; they should like you for who you are, not your fake figure skating, award winning alter ego.
Whilst these rules are just a few among many, they are pretty important in my opinion. I can’t guarantee that your date will be knocking down your door and filling up your inbox with declarations of love. But it might, just might, help you spend Valentine’s Day next year doing something other than eating your body weight in chocolate shaped sheep.