Spilling Tea: #2 Student Loneliness

Writing on difficult subjects is always easier with a tea in hand. However, today requires something a little stronger, so a flat white is my companion as I write this week’s article on loneliness as a student. 

University, for me, is worthy of the hype. I have had some of the best experiences of my life and met some incredible people along the way. Life seems to move at 200mph, from uni work to nights out and socialising. Whilst you’re among this hive of activity, you can feel great and a part of something important and worthwhile.

But then everything stops. 

Then it is just you again, sat in your room and finally managing to catch your breath. The contrast between the highs and lows of uni life are something I wish I had known about before starting. It may seem obvious that, of course you’re not going to be busy all the time. And naturally, you will find yourself just sat alone with your thoughts, and sometimes, that can be a really lonely thing. 

It’s weird that even when you’re surrounded by so many people, you can still feel isolated and a bit “cut off”. Everyone else can seem like they’re having a better time than you or enjoying themselves more. You compare yourself to the people who never seem to be sad or stressed out. But trust me, they probably are – the difference being that they’re just really good at hiding it. 

Going to university, moving away from home, living independently – it is all a really big deal, and can take a massive toll on your mental health, whether you’re aware of it or not. It’s easy sometimes to forget just how much you are asking of yourself and it is important sometimes to make the most of the moments you get alone. Try turning “I feel a bit lonely and down today” into “I have time and space to just focus on me and practice a bit of self-love”. If you turn the pockets of time you find yourself feeling isolated into an opportunity to feel good about yourself, it can be a real game changer. 

It’s not just when you’re alone that the loneliness can creep in. You might be in uni, at an event, or just out with friends but still feel as if you’re floating on the outsides and not really part of the action. Firstly, it’s okay to feel like that, and most people have at one point or another. Maybe assess the social situations you’re finding yourself uncomfortable or isolated in and try and think about how you could feel more involved, or whether the occasion just isn’t for you. It can take a while to find your feet at uni, and sometimes you can feel like a rather insignificant tiny fish in a large daunting pond. 

So, what am I getting at with all of this? How is best to stop those feelings of loneliness creeping in? Truth is, I don’t know, I’m still trying to work it out for myself. But, like most things in life, talking about it really can make such a difference. Try and share with people how you’re feeling, because chances are, they’re feeling the same way. 

• awareness
• conversation
• experience