Spilling Tea: #9 Lockdown

Writing on difficult subjects is always easier with a tea in hand. Saying that, my chosen drink for this final article is a hot chocolate, as I attempt to cut down on my shocking caffeine consumption during lockdown. 

The past few months have been interesting to say the least. Lockdown has taught us all a lot about society, human interaction, and most scarily, ourselves. 

Before you read on and hear my tales and woes of experiencing the Coronavirus lockdown here in the UK, please know that I recognise how lucky I am. I have not personally been affected by the virus, and neither have my close family or friends. I know this has not been the case for everyone, and I understand that I am writing from a place of privilege. However, it has not been easy either. I think if anyone says they have found lockdown easy then they are lying. Or a hermit crab. Or both. 

I have learnt a lot about myself in the past few months, and I have realised that, well, I don’t really like myself. Not in a self-pitying way, just in a ‘I have been forced to acknowledge small things about myself that are really bloody annoying’ way. I sleep way too much. If I could, I would sleep all day. I wish I was one of those people who go to bed at 10pm and wake up at 6am, all bright eyed and bushy tailed. But I can easily sleep for 12 hours. And I love it… But I hate that I love it. I feel like I am wasting time which could be spent doing yoga or baking banana bread or scrapbooking. You know, all the “essential” pass times of recent months. 

Netflix has been there for me in the past few difficult months. It has entertained me, kept me warm at night (the overheating of my laptop providing both warmth and comfort), and proved to me that I have a somewhat obsessive personality.  When I enjoy something, I do not just like it, I become temporarily infatuated by it. An example is the TV series New Girl – which if you haven’t watched then I urge you to. It’s the only show I have ever had to pause because the tears from laughing meant I couldn’t actually see the screen. 

I don’t understand how people can just watch something and then not think about it for the next month. Look up all of the actors, characters, back stories, marketing campaigns, and anything else I can find to further immerse myself into the fictional world. This also happened for the BBC adaptation of Sally Rooney’s novel Normal People (an incredible series, which I also can’t recommend enough!). 

I don’t think being passionate about things is a bad thing, and I have always been an “all-in” type of person. I don’t do things half-heartedly and tend to let things get to me more so than the average person. Again, not a negative per se, but something that lockdown has certainly highlighted to me. 

A further key part of my character, something which makes me who I am and is so deep to my heart – my soul, the very essence of my being – is baking. And stress-baking is something which lockdown has scientifically proved to be a real thing (I haven’t fact checked this, but I reckon it’s true…). Baking relieves me of stress. Making banana bread provides me with more serotonin than any Sertraline or antidepressant ever could (lockdown has also emphasised how I try to make light of some deeper issues). But in all seriousness, baking massively helps my mental health, which hasn’t been great in lockdown. But hey, there’s nothing that making a lemon drizzle cake can’t fix. 

Being confined to your home, you are forced to confront things about yourself which you may have been conveniently blind to before. Or things which you may have avoided facing up to. But this can be a positive thing. Sometimes. Life is all about learning to love and accept yourself, right? Lockdown has forced me to start this journey, but it’s safe to say I still have a long way to go.

• living at home
• lockdown
• Student Experience