Until the other day, I had never heard of Mel Robbins, and now i’m telling everyone I meet to listen to her podcast episode ‘13 things I wish I knew in my 20s’. My housemate told me she thought i’d like this episode, and she was right. Entering my final ever term of university, and having no plan of what I want to do afterwards, has been terrifying, but Mel Robbins has made me feel a whole lot better about the future, and that whilst my 20s are still scary and full of change, this is exciting! All 13 pieces of Mel’s advice were valuable, but these are the ones that have stuck with me.
Something which is emphasised throughout the podcast is the ‘Great Scattering’ – for the first time in our lives, all the people we had grown up with, gone to school with, university with, are all doing different things. People are entering their careers, moving home, moving country, or even carrying on their studying. We have been so used to the people we know constantly surrounding us, but now they aren’t. This really resonated with me because I have always had structure, familiarity, and the thought of not having this routine anymore was scary. Mel argues that this is a normal part of life, not something to be scared of, but to embrace. In life, the people we know are always going to be following their own paths, and even if we feel like we aren’t moving forward, we are exactly where we’re meant to be. Especially over the summer transitioning from second to third year, when people were working their internships or getting work experience, it was hard not to compare my own progress, but this is just a normal part of experiencing life, especially in our 20s, and we have to remember that they are probably feeling the exact same way – just because they know what they’re doing, doesn’t mean they aren’t intimidated by the impending ‘great scattering’. We have to trust that where we end up is what is meant for us.
‘Date the person, not the potential’. This one is self explanatory, but an essential one to remember. Our 20s are the time when we meet new people, and some of them may develop into something more than friends, but to actually have valuable relationships, we have to date the person they are now, not who we think we can change them to be. Mel said that if your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t buy you flowers now, they never will, if they don’t exercise, their two month stint at the gym will never last. If you focus on the potential of the person, you will never be satisfied in your relationships – you’ll find yourself constantly trying to change the person, and this is draining and will make you unhappy! I feel like there is so much pressure to be in a relationship during this time of our lives, but it’s better to be single, than to date someone who you aren’t actually happy with – we have so much time, and it is worth the wait to find someone who you don’t see as a project to improve.
The power of getting outside. Mel recommends as soon as you wake up, before going on your phone or doing anything else, get the sun on your face, drag yourself outside and go for a 10 minute walk. We all know that the sun is temperamental, and its appearance is rare, especially during winter, and getting outside first thing may be slightly unrealistic, but her advice still has power. I have found that walking to and from uni is hugely beneficial to my mental health. As students, we spend so much time sitting down in front of our laptops, but by walking to and from uni, i’m able to force myself to actually have a break, to think about something else other than what essay I have to write next. The walk clears my head, and makes me feel so much calmer about all the uni and adult stresses of day to day life, and if all it takes is 10 minutes outside, then count me in.
These are just a few of the things that Mel wishes she knew in her 20s, but the other 10 were just as valuable, and so I would massively recommend anyone, even if they aren’t stressed about their future, to listen to it. The episode has brought me huge amounts of comfort during this stressful period of life, and even if you are feeling the pressure, you just have to remember that our 20s can also be exciting, full of life changing events and risks that we’ll take, we just have to see it through and everything will work out.