For some happy couples, the idea of living together at uni is idyllic. With your newfound freedom, away from the constraints of your parentsâ overprotective clutches, you feel ready to test the grounds of a proper adult relationship. Perhaps youâre still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship and you just canât bear to be apart from one another. Maybe youâre constantly around each otherâs house anyway, your housemates no longer politely hide their annoyance at your public displays of affection and youâve both had enough of the lack of privacy. The most convenient solution? Getting your own place. Win-win.
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But there are some important (and obvious) things to consider before you make such a momentous decision. Firstly, thereâs no doubt about it, you will be sacrificing the typical uni experience. No amount of pledges promising to upkeep your weekly Ocean ritual with your ex-housemates will be met. Without their weekly persuasion, you will become a recluse. Thereâs also the strain that living together could have on your relationship. Ever heard that you never really know a person until you live with them? Well, itâs true. Youâre guaranteed to discover your other halfâs annoying habits which will drive you up the wall. Hair in the plughole? Festering mugs of tea? Snot rockets in the shower? You name it.
Asides from these little quirks, which you may or may not get used to, this is likely to be the first time youâre living with your partner, and itâs a stressful time at that. You both have uni work to focus on, the last thing you need is your relationship to be a distraction, especially not the negative kind. Conversely, you donât want your workload to start impacting your relationship. Striking a balance is difficult.
If theyâre anything like mine, your parents will probably question your maturity, while countless other adults will advise you to âmake the mostâ of your uni experience without tying yourself down, whatever that means. This is a toxic stereotype. It reinforces the idea that uni is all about having fun and the only way to do that is by sleeping with anyone at a given opportunity. While that might be true for some, you as a couple are free to make your own decisions, regardless of what anyone elseâs view might be. But moving in together must be a mutual decision between the pair of you.
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There are some other factors worth considering first. Will you graduate together? Is this a long-term relationship? Have you had a trial period to test the waters?
There are also those who came to uni with their partner after their high school romance, like me. My boyfriend and I both set off for different unis in different cities after receiving our A level results. Although we were only a 50-minute train journey away, the distance was still a challenge. Ironically though, because it was so easy to visit one another, we found ourselves together on such a regular basis it made the whole scenario seem absurd. Due to other accompanying reasons, I made a leap of faith and decided to withdraw from my previous university at Easter. The following September, I moved to Nottingham.
Nuanced circumstances worked in our favour too. Although in the same city, we attend different unis, my boyfriend at Nottingham Trent. This allowed us to form our own friendship groups. We run no risk of bumping into each other in the library and consequently excluding ourselves from social circles as a result. The decision to live together was also more a matter of convenience than lust for one another (if youâre reading, Iâm sorry). There was very little university accommodation available when I applied to uni so it made sense to rent a house. We found two rooms in a seven-bed house on separate tenancies. Although this meant moving in with strangers, the advantage was that we had an individual liability of our contracts.
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Why two rooms? Well, a couple canât legally rent a one-bed student property because this is classed as subletting. You can, of course, rent a one bed privately if youâre looking to save money, but contracts will differ to those targeted at students, specifically the term dates, plus youâll also be liable to pay council tax. In my opinion, two rooms are ideal, whether itâs in a shared house or not. Space is your friend when it comes to sharing a house, and that goes for any arrangement. Youâll each get a desk (or more importantly, a wardrobe). You each have a private place to retreat to for some peace and quiet. The best benefit? Having a spare room when friends visit!
Thereâs always the option to live with others too. The best thing about this is it takes the pressure off because youâre not spending time solely in each otherâs company. You also get the best of both worlds; this feels a lot truer to a âproperâ uni experience. This is a big commitment for all parties involved though, so make sure you talk everything through with your housemates first.
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Thereâs one VERY import consideration that canât be ignored. The possibility of a breakup. As much as thatâs likely to be the last thing on your radar if youâve just moved in together, it canât go unmentioned. Unfortunately for some, living together just isnât what was imagined. You need to have this all-important conversation while youâre happily loved-up; youâll thank yourselves later. My advice to any couple is to have a contingency plan. Ours is that whoever breaks up with the other becomes responsible for organising alternative housing arrangements and finding a replacement tenant. Whatever the situation, breaking up will be far from ideal, but itâs a risk you take.
While we considered ourselves pretty prepared for most scenarios, we could never have anticipated what 2020 would have in store when we signed our tenancy agreement. The pandemic has posed unprecedented challenges that we never thought weâd face. Fortunately, my boyfriend has been able to continue his arranged work placement despite lockdown restrictions, so we havenât been confined within four walls with anything but each otherâs company 24/7. A small household means weâve avoided contracting COVID or having to isolate too *touches wood*.
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But the limited contact with others has been torturous at times. Weâve gone from the constant company of five others to spending every evening and weekend together in front of the TV. Consequently, weâve fallen into the trap of finally embodying a middle-aged married couple, something weâve desperately tried to avoid. On a more serious note, if we have a falling-out or want some space apart, we canât just escape to a friendâs. But this goes for everyone at the moment, whatever the circumstances. For all the challenges, as clichĂ©Â as it sounds, I wouldnât change things for the world. If your uni relationship can withstand a pandemic, whether you live together or youâve been kept apart for months, I expect it will withstand the test of time.