Edited By: Tanisha Sehgal
Day 1: Demarcate your contact.
It’s the day before your exam. Your phone is filled with tons of notifications from your best friend, the best friend you have grown apart from and want to avoid staying in touch with anymore, but that leaves you in a dilemma if you should check the texts or not. The answer is easy: DON’T. You do not want to be friends with them anymore, and the first step is to reduce contact between both of you. Avoid replying to their texts, or take hours to do it. Use vague words like “ok”, and “cool” instead of complete sentences. Do not like their social media posts or share reels with them.
Day 2: Disappoint.
Most friendships work on expectations and how well you fulfil them. Your friend would expect a lot from you as well, so this is your cue to start disappointing them. Do not send them the assignment you promised you would, do not show up for their performances, or pretend to forget about their pet’s birthday. They will surely get disappointed and Eureka! You got what you wanted.
Day 3: Prioritize Yourself.
The best thing about toxic relationships is, it ends the moment you start prioritising yourself. So, Do It. The next time your friend needs help but you know you cannot afford to lose your mental sanity for it, refuse. Do things that make you happy even if it comes at the cost of distancing yourself from them. Set Boundaries and you will start losing some friends, especially those who cannot see you caring for yourself.
Day 4: Start saying “NO” frequently.
Do you have your monthly lunch arriving? The shopping plan you made is just around the corner? Does your friend want to go to a movie screening? Or do they want to hang out tonight? For all such questions, you should have the same answer: NO. When you start refusing all of their plans, you draw a line between you two which shows that things are not like how they used to be. You give a message that you do not wish to spend any more time with them, and that is step 4 in losing a friend.
Day 5: Be private.
Friends are one of the first people you go to when you want to celebrate, or if you had a bad day and by doing that you make them feel important to you. So, the next step is to avoid telling them things. Be it about the test you scored the highest on or the new pet you got, be private about it. Let them know that you do not need their support any more.
Day 6: Make New Friends.
While you might have just been through a bad friendship, life doesn’t stop. So go out, and make new friends. Find people you are similar to, share the same interests with, and are comfortable with. Spend time with them. And while you will be busy making new friends, you may naturally invest time and attention in getting to know them and building a connection. This can inadvertently lead to less time spent with your existing friend, which might make them feel neglected or less important. Also, introducing new people into your social circle can alter the dynamics among your friends. It may lead to changes in group dynamics, cliques, or exclusions, which can cause tensions and conflicts within the friendship.
Day 7: Start Addressing their Flaws.
Constantly criticising a friend involves consistently finding fault or expressing disapproval with their choices, actions, or characteristics. It is a detrimental behaviour that can strain or even destroy a friendship. The bond between you two will be put into jeopardy, and they might get hurt in the way, but this is how you pave the way for the ending. You are being straightforward about their qualities that you are not okay with and they will identify those traits once the realisation hits them.
Day 8: Start Using “I” statements.
When talking to a third person, stop using “we” phrases, take only your responsibility. Do not treat yourself and your friend as one entity. Talk about how you can make it to the party, not you two, how you hated that class, and not both of you. It will help you establish the fact that you do not feel connected to them anymore.
Day 9: Decide How To Talk To The Friend.
Decide how you want to have the final confrontation. You can talk to your friend face to face. This may give you closure, and allow you to have a chance to express how your friend hurt you, or you can send them an explanatory text. Also, decide about things you want to address, and reasons you want to put forward before putting an end to things.
Day 10: Confront and End the Friendship.
It’s the day when you finally put an end to your friendship. Go talk to them. Let them know how things are not working well for you. The conversation does not have to be an angry one. On the tenth day, your friend is probably aware of the situation as well. Meet to talk at a neutral location. You can both simply acknowledge your relationship is no longer what it used to be and end things.
Congratulations! You wanted to lose a friend and you just did!