(Content warning: This story mentions sensitive topics such as school shootings, depression and suicide. Please read at your own discretion and comfort.)
Welcome back to my Author Spotlight series where I interview writers about their upcoming releases. I was fortunate enough to have debut author Kindra Neely as my next guest. Her graphic memoir, “Numb to This: Memoir of a Mass Shooting,” portrays the impact of gun violence through a fresh lens with urgency, humanity and a very personal hope.
Over the span of a few minutes, on Oct. 1, 2015, eight students and a professor lost their lives. Suddenly, Neely became a survivor. This empathetic and hopeful graphic memoir recounts Neely’s journey forward from those few minutes that changed everything. Set in southern Oregon, Neely’s art journey began at Umpqua Community College (UCC) where she took her first drawing class. She enjoys hiking and is a writer along with an artist.
“Numb to This: Memoir of a Mass Shooting” was released on Oct. 11.
Graphic novels typically appeal to a younger audience. Knowing this, how would you say the subject of “Numb to This” affects the younger generation who will grow up reading books like this?
Positively. I think having books that are accessible and talk about complex emotional topics in an approachable way will give younger readers another avenue for understanding and developing healthy emotional skills. When I look back on my life and remember instances at school, home and church where trauma happened or was discussed, there were missed opportunities and failures to talk about complex issues like trauma and suicide in a well-rounded way. So much so, that as a young adult [,] my understanding of the emotions that I was going through were so insufficient that it delayed my ability to get help when I needed it the most.
There is a tendency to think that kids, especially very young kids [,] are more resilient or will grow up to be more resilient when exposed to trauma early on. This fails to see young people as humans with just as complex emotions and thoughts as adults, but with none of the skills, vocabulary or resources that adults have to deal with them.
How do you believe gun violence and mass school shootings affect individuals who haven’t personally been affected or victim to?
I believe most mass shootings are a tool of white supremacy. The perpetrators of these violent murders leave behind manifestos that very blatantly speak to white supremacy ideals or quote other shooters who wrote about these tenets of racism, misogyny, homophobia, ableism, and religious intolerance. So [,] when I say that mass shootings and gun violence affects everyone, I really do mean everyone. They not only obviously terrorize the communities they seek to oppress but scare other white people into being compliant. When we do act with compliance that continues to hurt minority communities and ourselves.
What are some of your favorite memories of college that you didn’t draw into the book?
For UCC [,] it’s difficult to put a finger on because most of my favorite memories I drew at least little glimpses of. Meeting my best friend Jasmine, playing cards in the library and working at the pool for the summer to name a few. I think one of my favorite things was the early morning swim I would be a lifeguard for. There was a group of about five regulars that would come from I think 7 to 8 a.m., and I got to know them fairly well. One of them was a retired [o]ncologist who would always point out the clouds when they looked painterly. The parking lot for the pool area is at the base of a very tall hill, and when you’d crest at the top, there was the most jaw dropping view of the river and valley below. I mean it really looks like a [B]ob [R]oss painting or a landscape from a fantasy movie or something. I guess I look back at that time and there’s a sense of peace.
Evident in your novel, there seems to be a lot of confusion about the UCC shooting. Some say it was a faulty system while others blamed the university. How do you believe different versions of the story affect society’s perspective on this matter in contrast to the victims’ mental and physical trauma?
There is an unfortunate conversation that happens after school shootings in particular about how systems or institutions could have been better to save lives. With UCC, there was a very real failure for the emergency system set in place, but often I think people have this hindsight discussion about what they would have done or what others should have done in these crisis situations. These conversations can be terribly harmful and add to survivors guilt. People who have not gone through this type of sudden mass violence assume that they would have the information that they have after the fact. It’s very easy to look at a shooting as an outsider and say that you would have done this and that to down the shooter, or get away, or alert people. The reality is, when you’re in that situation, very few people have enough information to make smart and calculated decisions.
I think blaming the university for not having these imaginary trump cards for an impossible situation to predict makes people feel good in the short term. I talked a little in my book about how my anger towards the media was in part because they were accessible when the shooter was not. I think with how scary shootings can be, pretending like you could of had more control in a situation like it soothes that fear. The thing to realize about that line of thinking is that when it’s voiced, it acts more as victim blaming. What is used to soothe discomfort is dramatically adding blame to people who are already questioning what they could have done better now that they know all the details.
The better but much more difficult discussion to have is about intervention for individuals that are at risk for committing acts of mass violence.
How else do you believe you have the power to change the world besides telling your story?
I think everyone has the power to change the world by living as their authentic self. It gives others the encouragement and confidence to do so too. Once I was able to start working towards a better level of self love and acceptance [,] it gave me a deeper well of love and kindness towards others.
Upon first glance, your graphic memoir seems to focus solely on the school shooting. However, you touch upon other subjects such as depression and suicide in an authentically honest way. What are some other subjects you want your audience to know about the effect of school shootings?
School shootings in particular create barriers to education for everyone. Personally, it led to difficulty focusing in classes. I was uncomfortable in a classroom setting to the detriment of my work. It really put a restraint on my interactions with professors and other students. I unfortunately look back at my time at SCAD with a sort of disappointment. I spent what could have been a really fantastic three years in this amazing community of artists, shut in my room and fumbling through basic social interactions because I was so incredibly mentally ill. There was an ongoing thought “If I’m succeeding at this level, then what could I do if I didn’t have this block?”
Going forward, are there any other ideas you have for future graphic novels or that you hope to draw about?
I think I’ll be revisiting the memoir genre sometime in the future to talk about growing up queer in the Bible Belt. However, I could use some space from talking about heavy topics for a bit, so that might be several years out. In the meantime, I don’t think I’ll stray from comics for middle grade and YA readers. I’d love to do something leaning towards education for the national parks. I’d also love to turn my friend’s Dungeons and Dragons game into a comic. Even if it’s not something that I can get published traditionally, it’s one of those projects that makes me smile as soon as I start thinking about it.
Anything else you wish to share about your graphic novel debut?
Just that I’m so grateful to have this opportunity to share my story. It is terrifying to put yourself out there like this, but also so incredibly freeing.
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Thank you so much to Kindra for answering my questions! I wish you the most success with this book! It was such an honest and raw account of what happens to everyone even those who weren’t personally affected. I’d also like to extend many thanks to Shivani Annirood from the Little, Brown and Company publishing house. I’m so happy and honored to start working with you to continue my series while promoting upcoming novels.
Without you and Neely, this interview would have never been possible.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. You can also text the Crisis Text Line by texting HELLO to 741741.