Long-distance relationships are hard. My boyfriend and I have been together since our senior year in high school and have been long distance since we started college at our respective schools, over a thousand miles apart. Through almost four years of long-distance, I’ve experienced all the highs and lows that long-distance love can bring and want to share them all! I firmly believe that open and consistent communication is vital to the success of any relationship, long-distance or not.
People often talk about what they discuss in relationships, along with how things are communicated. If you and your partner haven’t discussed each other’s love languages, I highly recommend doing so. Love languages refer to the way your partner prefers to communicate and or receive affection. Take this online quiz if you haven’t already: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/ to find out your particular love language(s)! Understanding how your partner prefers to communicate is key to maintaining a happy and healthy relationship, especially when you’re dating long distance. Here are some general tips for catering to your significant other’s love language when long-distance:
Physical Touch
If your partner’s love language is physical touch, then the inherent lack of such physical connection in a long-distance relationship may prove to be complicated. While nothing can fully replace the warm embrace of your lover, things that mimic the experience of physical closeness may hold them over between visits. Sending them off with a sweater that smells of your cologne or a weighted blanket to keep them warm at night might (partially) help fill this gap.
Words of Affirmation
Do your best to stay up to date with your partner’s accomplishments! Encourage them on their upcoming tests, send them special letters every once in a while when you miss them or spend a second more thinking about the goodnight text you send before heading to bed.
Receiving Gifts
Whether you’re sending them Insomnia cookies at 2 AM the night before their final, restocking their diminishing Tide pods supply, or mailing a cute shirt from your campus store, sending your partner a gift to show them that you’re thinking of them will make their day!
Quality Time
Schedule out weekly virtual dates and utilize platforms like Teleparty to binge your favorite shows together! When you’re on FaceTime calls, make sure to be fully engaged and present in your conversations, as if you were sitting right next to them. Planned virtual dates can be engaging and entertaining, but sometimes just spending twenty minutes before bed talking about each other’s day is enough to make your quality time-loving partner feel loved.
Acts of service
Help your significant other with studying for an upcoming exam or proofreading a draft of their midterm paper (if they’re okay with it)! Often, acts of service can take the form of other, similar love languages. Sending over a meal from a favorite restaurant, assembling a care package to send to your partner, or doing anything your partner might not think to do for themselves can be an act of service.
Like many things in a long-distance relationship, navigating love languages is a matter of compromise and communication. The love language you tend to offer may not be the type that your partner is most receptive to. It may take both sides’ adjustments to settle into a system that you both feel comfortable with, but having a general sense of understanding before parting will benefit you both long term!