Ok I can’t hide it anymore: I miss my boyfriend like crazy. I still can’t get the image out of my head of looking over my shoulder at him for the last time in the airport. After that final glance, I didn’t look back again. The people at airport security kept asking if I was alright as I wiped tears away from my face and pulled out my passport and boarding pass: it was time to be brave and it was time to be strong.
A month later, I feel adjusted and stable but it would be wrong to say that I don’t think about him every day. It isn’t just the distance–he lives back home and I go to school in New York so we have done this before. It’s that I wish he could meet all the people I am meeting, eat the food I am eating, and experience London with me. I am exploring all of London’s beautiful historical sites and wish he was seeing them with me. I wish I could take a picture with him at Big Ben. I wish we could sit at a pub and try all the different kinds of beer together. More than anything, I wish I could give him just one more hug.
I’m sure I’m not the only one missing their loved ones at this stage of the study abroad experience. Whether it’s your boyfriend, mom, or dog, everyone abroad knows the feeling of missing the people (or animals) they love and associate with home. There are days when you feel excited to be in a new country and there are days when you are overwhelmed and just want to skype your friends and wear sweats all day. There is a constant dialogue in your head– “I love London, I never want to leave,” and “I need to go home now, they don’t have shamrock shakes at McDonald’s.” Sometimes school work isn’t distracting enough to keep your mind from wandering in various directions.
I can’t count how many times I dreamed I was back home swinging on the hammock with him, listening to country music, and looking at the stars. I will wake up in the middle of the night disoriented until I finally realize I am still in London. A part of me wants to be back home, but another part realizes I need to be here right now. This is where I am right now: do I want to be sad or do I want to feel happy and live where I am?
What’s helping me live in the moment is the realization that time will pass and he will be waiting for me at the airport. It will be summer and we will get to swing on the hammock together. I’ll get to hold his hand and take pictures with him at the county fair. We’ll get to drink different kinds of beer together…just not legally and not at a pub. And I won’t get just one hug, I will get many.