Traipsing Through Our Twenties

 “What do you want to do when you grow up?” is a question all of us have heard repeatedly as a child. Whether the question came from an inquisitive family member or a supportive teacher, it’s been at the back of our minds for years. Once we all start to enter our twenties, the question seems to make its way to the front of all our minds. We analyze what makes us happy, what makes others proud of us, what kind of salary we can live off, etc., hoping to define our goals. However, our lack of knowledge about ourselves and our overabundance of knowledge about others consumes us. Doubts and comparisons easily take over. For the first time, an answer to this question of how we want to change the world is expected on a silver platter. Is it okay if we don’t know? 

I certainly don’t know. Of course, I’ve got a general idea because I’ve spent thousands on college tuition. I know that I want to be a therapist and help create a generation of people more raw, reflective and vulnerable than any that have come before it. But how do I make this happen? How do we not only decide what exactly our dreams are, but take the necessary steps to achieve them? We can start by first deciding what profession makes us the happiest and rewards us the most. It would be naïve to say that salary isn’t a factor in this decision as well, but that doesn’t mean that it needs to be the most important one. Consider what you might do if no one else’s opinion mattered, and money didn’t exist. Now snap yourself back into reality and be honest with yourself about whether you would be able to live comfortably and make it work. 

Once you’ve got a goal, you can start working your way towards it. Don’t be afraid to start small; Rome wasn’t built in a day. For instance, you could pray or manifest (whatever floats your boat) each night to put the goal out there and set your intentions. You could start tutoring in that field of work, attending career fairs, talking to your favorite professor after class, and so on. Submit applications and try to social network, as this can only ever better ourselves and our resumes. Although the concept of starting a career and entering the real world can be incredibly overwhelming, breaking it down into smaller steps can help ease some nerves. Speaking as a relatively shy gal myself, we got this! We can’t be afraid to be uncomfortable in the present if we want to be comfortable in the future. 

As if our own concerns about our goals and how to best achieve them weren’t enough, comparisons sneak in. These try to hinder our success as well and as they say “comparison is the thief of joy.” Being in your twenties means having friends who are married and pregnant, friends with full-time jobs, friends trying to keep their grades up to stay in college, etc. People in dramatically different phases of life are all in your circle somehow. It’s difficult not to compare your accomplishments to those of others around you. Shame and insecurity can quickly slip in and cloud our thought processes. Whether it’s shame about your lack of job offers, shaming others for working as a waitress or shaming others for jumping right into a 9 to 5 job, there is no place for shame in adulting. We’re all figuring it out, and happiness and success look different on everyone. No one is perfect and no job is perfect, so don’t be too hard on yourself or on others. We all try different things until we find out what fits best, and everyone’s best looks different. I promise, your time is coming! And if it’s already come, be present and keep doing what feels right for you! Don’t let comparisons kill your contentment. 

The fact of the matter is: none of us know what we’re doing. I hope that helps! In all seriousness though, it’s okay that we don’t know. None of the people we compare ourselves to know either. Not knowing seems to be the entire point. Life is supposed to keep us guessing. Being lost unites us, it’s what we all have in common. To be clueless is to be human. Of course, not having any answers is naturally stressful, but try not to get too caught up on the answers. Spend your twenties trying to find them, but with an emphasis on trying. Our twenties are for falling in love with trying, and all the messiness and loose ends that are a part of that process. Settle down in a city, any city. You don’t like it? Move. Take a job offer, any job offer. You don’t like it? Quit. Try anything and everything until you find what’s right for you. Sometimes we get so attached to this idea of what life should be, that we forget to live it. So maybe we’re stumped when people ask us about our future, and maybe it does feel like we know nothing in our twenties, but at least we know not to forget to live.