Understanding healthy relationships is a give and take process. It is a complete 360-degree journey of consistently learning, growing, and evolving our knowledge on relationships from one another, in order to create an environment that we feel most comfortable in with our partner.
Through evaluating the image of a healthy relationship, we may consider a series of questions: What does a healthy relationship look like? How can we identify the difference between traditional relationship problems and serious conflictual takeovers? And how can we achieve a healthy relationship?
As we dive into the most prominent topics of healthy relationships, it is important to remember that overall, a strong romantic connection requires two people, in their own life bubbles, doing life together while facing in the same direction, not at each other. In other words, you are doing life with each other, not for each other.
What does a healthy relationship mean to you?
Building and maintaining a healthy connection does not look the same for everyone, since we all have different needs. These initial values that used to build your bond may change throughout the course of your relationship and that is completely normal! It is simply a reconstruction of how you and your partner should accommodate and adapt your personal needs and lifestyles with each other. To further this statement, I conducted a recent study among college students who shared their viewpoints on what creates and sustains a healthy relationship. A highlight response was ensuring adequate trust, respect and communication skills. “I believe a healthy relationship is where both parties have a mutual understanding and respect for one another. They should help each other grow while also growing together,” said freshman Mia Thompson at Howard University.
Unpacking healthy relationship tips
We all want sustainable companionships. Let’s kick toxicity to the curb and dive into some other *not so basic* leading factors of healthy relationships.
- Relationships should be 100/100 not 50/50 (controversial opinion?)
I like to visualize relationships on more of a 100/100 standpoint. Having a 50/50 relationship means you and your partner are only giving each other half of yourselves while in a 100/100 relationship, both parties are providing their all. Now of course, there will be times when your partner is going through a difficult time or simply might not be having a good day and their 100 percent may not look exactly like yours. Furthermore, keep in mind there will be things you’re good at, that your partner may not be as good at, and vice versa. It is almost guaranteed your 100/100 will not look the same everyday and that is okay! In order to maintain a strong connection, there will be moments where you will have to put in a bit more work if the other is struggling. Make sure to pick up your partner when they fall down. Your partner is your right hand, your partner in crime, and your best friend. Therefore, it is important to give each other your 100 percent!
2. Communication is not just self-expression
Whenever we talk to our partners, there is so much more to the communication process rather than simply expressing yourself and responding. According to What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like? (ny.gov), healthy communication can be categorized into five sections: speaking, listening, body language, digital communication, and time/location. When we speak to our significant other, be respectful, open and clear with your feelings. This ensures that your partner understands you and will prevent them from feeling blamed or attacked. When listening, make sure you are giving your significant other your undivided attention without distractions (phone, television, etc.). Remember that conversation without comprehension is ineffective. When communicating, body language is imperative. This means being attentive, having eye contact and making them aware that you are interested in the conversation. Digital communication should not be your primary way of communicating. Important conversations are best when they are presented face to face rather than through text. If you’re in a long-distance relationship, Facetime is a perfect alternative! Lastly, the time and location of your conversation has a major impact on how it will transpire. Make sure you communicate in a location both parties feel comfortable in and when you are both relaxed.
3. Reaction is more important than you think
Healthy action is a good reaction. Be mindful of how you respond to your partner. Whether it’s a response from a conversation, argument, date, activity, intimate connection, etc. The way you respond to your partner has a major impact on their emotions. Keep in mind that nearly anything you do will affect your significant other in one way or another. Something you think is not as big of a deal may be extremely important to your partner. Don’t invalidate their feelings or experience by having a negative response to something. How do you show a healthy reaction? Try to compromise, understand and validate their opinions, even if you don’t agree.
4. Curiosity does NOT kill the cat (well..in relationships it doesn’t)
A key component to healthy relationships and a long lasting interconnection is curiosity. Furthermore, this means that you are actively paying attention and asking questions about them. You are genuinely interested in their thoughts, passions, feelings, ambitions, and their overall daily life. This will make your significant other feel loved and appreciated! Also, take time out of your day to ask how their day was, or how they slept the previous night. Simple gestures will make your partner feel worthy that you are interested in even the basic aspects of their life. Curiosity also means you’re willing to consider or communicate changes to your relationship structure if parts of your existing relationship become less fulfilling for you or your partner, according to Healthy Relationships: 32 Signs, Tips, Red Flags, and More (healthline.com)
5. Self-reflection may be the key to everlasting love
Self-reflection is a crucial component to building and maintaining a healthy relationship. It helps you understand who you are, what you value, and how you think. In other words, self-reflection activates how you look at your thoughts, attitudes and behaviors, so you can understand your impact on yourself and your partner. Self-reflection promotes relationship growth because you will have the ability to identify what you can improve in the relationship, which will allow you to understand your relationship even better. Overall, self-reflection will encourage you to take a hard look at who you are and how you can be better. A few questions that you can ask yourself to self reflect in your relationship, according to The Importance of Self-Reflection In A Relationship – Creative Souls (creativesoulstribe.com) include,
- How do you behave/respond when you have problems in your relationship?
- Do you treat your partner as you wish to be treated?
- Do you know how your partner wants to be treated/loved?
- Do you love yourself? How do you treat yourself?
- How do you want your ideal relationship to be?
- What will you improve within yourself to create a healthier relationship?
6. Draw the line (yes, the boundary line)
Boundaries look different for everyone. Setting boundaries is a way to teach your partner about your needs so you can inform them when you feel uncomfortable or simply do not like something. You are allowed to put your needs before someone else’s, especially if theirs make you uncomfortable. Remember that you should never feel bad, and no one should ever make you feel bad for inputting boundaries into your relationship. You are in one of your most vulnerable states when you are romantically involved with someone, so it is important you are comfortable.
Healthy relationships require time, effort, and trust. Everyone can successfully achieve a healthy relationship with the proper steps taken! Try not to get discouraged if it isn’t working out at first. Keep in mind that all relationships are a process of trial and error. You are both learning and growing, be gentle with each other. Make sure that throughout your journey, you and your partner still show each other love and compassion. Continue to take each other out, laugh, and share those memorable moments while transforming your relationship into the strongest and healthiest connection yet!