(A Brit’s guide to texting etiquette)
Having lived in the United States now for about three or so months now, I have been on the receiving hand of many culture shocks; some of which I do not think I will ever adjust to. But one of the biggest of these is that in the U.S., using an ‘x’ when you send a message is not a thing! Example: ‘I will see you later x.’
Let this article be a guide for all non ‘x’ users on the do’s and don’ts, in addition the different meanings that it holds, because we would not be British if we did not give something intended to be sweet a passive aggressive meaning too.
Let us start with a little history lesson. ‘X’ comes from ‘xo’ which stands for kisses and hugs. That is universal, but British people dropped the hug and kept the kisses, and it now makes up a huge part of our informal communication system.
There are various kinds of kisses.
You start with the basic ‘x’ which is harmless and sweet and is used between anyone. There is no specific romantic meaning to it, and you can send this to friends, partners, families, dates and even your manager (though it can be used in a flirtatious context).
Kisses have unofficially been incorporated into British grammar; some rules can be explained, whereas others are something that you just ‘know,’ or you will understand with time. They can replace certain punctuation marks or be used in conjunction with them, like a full stop (aka period) or a question mark. Kisses make whatever you are saying seem much nicer and are a wonderful way to round off a sentence.
Look at the difference between ‘I’ve sent you the money.’ vs. ‘I’ve sent you the money x.’ Full stops are typically only sent when you are upset/angry and want to make a show of this.
Or ‘How was work?’ vs. ‘How was work x.’ One just comes a lot gentler and caring than the other. An acceptable middle ground is ‘How was work? x.’
‘See you soon x’ and ‘I miss you x’ are examples of a kiss being used in a sweet context. But if I were then to say, ‘Not quite x’ or ‘Can we all make sure we are not leaving dishes in the sink x,’ it is extremely passive aggressive, and the use of ‘we’ just makes it seem like a collective issue, even though the person messaging is clearly not referring to themselves.
HOWEVER, ‘x’ can also be extremely passive aggressive. Adding terms like ‘Hun’ can also add to the passive aggression.
NOTE: Do not, under any circumstance, use ‘x’ in a corporate setting. It is not appropriate and risks getting an email from HR! But, if you have a casual relationship with your manager, that is; a retail setting, then x’s are okay.
Double ‘xx’ is just affectionate, usually there is no underlying meaning if you are the recipient of this. Eg; ‘Enjoy your day xx’ or ‘I’m making dinner xx.’
Now, four or more ‘x’s are approaching complicated territory. They are typically symbolic of the preliminary stages of a (teenage) relationship, where everything is sickly sweet and is representative of young love. It can also be a way of prematurely thanking someone for something, like when you ask someone to do something you know they would not want to do. Eg; ‘Can you pick up my package on your way home from work please xxxxxx’
Multiple x’s can also be passive aggressive or used to be ironic – but there are a lot of nuances to this. Best to stick to one ‘x’ if you are not sure.
If you receive a ‘c’ or a ‘z’ instead of an ‘x,’ do not be alarmed. Because of how close the letters are to the keyboard; you may often get this instead of an ‘x.’ They mean the same thing – or if you see ‘cx.’
Kisses are supposed to be lowercase to symbolize gentleness, but like many other things, the older generation does not always get the memo. If you see ‘XX’ or any variation with capital letters, it is likely you are talking to someone’s middle aged mother. Eg; ‘Dinner will be ready at 10 Xx’.
Side rules:
If someone sends you an ‘x,’ if you do not send one back this can be interpreted very negatively. Not sending one back means you do not like them, find them annoying, or have no interest in the conversation.
Sending kisses by themselves also works; it can be used as a replacement for ‘you’re welcome,’ or even just acknowledging that you have seen somebody’s message! Eg; ‘Just seen the money you sent, thank you x’ and you can respond ‘xxx.’
Sending an ‘x’ to the wrong person can be VERY awkward because it can send the wrong message, so just be careful when texting!