Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. It has arrived. The worst, most annoying holiday of the year: Valentine’s Day. V-Day conveniently falls in February, also known as the the worst month of the year. Before posting in the comments, know that I am not a relationship cynic. I will freely admit that couples usually annoy me, but it’s not because “no one has ever liked me,” or “I’m just jealous.” The absolute worst thing people say when I mention my hatred for this vile holiday is, “If you had a boyfriend, you’d feel differently.” This fuels my hatred for this holiday more. I put up with having a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day from 6th through 11th grade (different boys, but still.) Throughout all these years, I was stuck in the awful position of being asked to something that wasn’t staying at home in my sweatpants and eating ice cream. Luckily, my boyfriend this year understands my hatred, and he isn’t going to force me to do something that isn’t my couch and Netflix.
1. The holiday itself isn’t fun.
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In the fifth grade, you had those little bags that you spent the day decorating, then we all put candy and paper cards in to give to each other. Everyone brought in cookies and brownies and it was awesome! Now, what do you do? If you have a S.O., you flaunt it in people’s faces. And if you don’t have a S.O. you feel awkward and hide. Cool, bro.
2. And it’s the only month with a sucky holiday.
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January has New Year’s Day, where you get to feel new. March has St. Patrick’s Day, where you get to pinch people, and it is fun (side note: green is my color, so it’s a double win.) March has spring when we’ve all been dying for it. April has Easter, and even if you’re not religious, the candy is cheap (and no, that cannot be said about Valentine’s.) May has Mother’s Day, and I like spending time with my mom. Ditto on June with my dad. Fourth of July reminds us why we stick around through all the crazy politics and insanity in America. August brings back jeans, which we’ve all missed. September gets us back in the swing of college, and even if we didn’t miss the classes, we missed our friends. October has Halloween (and here, it’s HallOUween.) November has Thanksgiving, and who doesn’t love to eat? Then December brings Christmas, and even if it’s not your celebration, everyone being in a good mood isn’t something to sneeze at. Valentine’s brings nothing. It is cold and slushy outside, plus creepy guys use the holiday to hit on you.
3. Social media
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Goodness gracious. I don’t care if you have “the most seriously perfect #mcm ever! ILYFM baby :-*” or you “don’t need no stinkin’ man. I got my girls/puppy/wine and that’s all I need.” STOP POSTING ABOUT IT. One post of a cute way you’re spending your night is fine, but don’t Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr rant about how great/awful your Valentine’s Day is because you are spending it with/without someone. It’s annoying, and I guarantee you the only person who willingly reads it all the way through is your mom.
4. Couples
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Jenny, it is so great that Bobby “randomly” got you flowers out of nowhere! It’s funny though, because now you’ll expect super sweet gestures all the time and Bobby was just thinking, “Crap, it’s Valentine’s Day, and I need to get her something.” People show affection in different ways, so it seems silly that almost everyone expects a monetary manufacture of love on Valentine’s Day. You know what else is nice? Watching Netflix in your sweat pants with the person you like. It’s actually way more fun, because you have a memory with little to no pressure. On that note, PDA as well. I get it, he got you the super awesome, expensive watch you wanted, so you just can’t help but kiss him and call him your special name (ah, Mr. Pookie.) Please, wait until you’re in the privacy of your own home before you and “Pookie” go at it. It’s not sweet; it’s disgusting, and I have a weak gag reflex. Be gross at your own risk.
5. Drinking
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I am not anti-drinking, as long as you’re 21 year of age. Do what you want! But to all the girls who go out on Valentine’s Day just to hook-up, or so they won’t be alone, or to show him what he’s lost, you make me so sad. Have fun, get a drink, and do what makes you happy, but hooking up just because it’s Valentine’s Day and you’re too pathetic to go home alone is repulsive. However, if you happen to meet a cute guy out and it happens to be Valentine’s Day, do your thing! Just know, you really don’t need someone to make you feel worth it on Valentine’s Day.
6. The people who think Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to go out.
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Do you really want to be crammed in a restaurant with every other couple in the world?
7. The gym
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I go to the gym six times a week. I know if you’ve been there before or not. I get it, you “have to look good for Valentine’s Day, OMG.” But, c’mon. You not only took my weights, but working out two weeks before Valentine’s Day is good for you, but won’t make a huge physical impact. If you’re going to work out for Valentine’s Day, you should work out after Valentine’s Day, too. It’s good for you, and you won’t annoy me again next year when you ask me if the leg press helps you get a bigger butt; you’ll just know.
In conclusion: Valentine’s Day sucks, and it isn’t fun. Let’s get through it with minimal annoyances this year, people.