How It Feels to Like A Guy That Lives In A Different State

This past week was Spring Break for us in Oklahoma, and I didn’t take a ‘typical’ Spring Break trip. While most of the students I know went to Florida or Mexico, I spent the week in New York City, visiting my Aunt who lives there and deciding if I want to move to the Big Apple after graduation. Along with seeing the Brooklyn Bridge and shopping in Manhattan, I spent one evening on a date, and that’s what this article is about. I’ll spare you the dirty details of the date, suffice it to say it went very well. We went onto a rooftop in Downtown Brooklyn and sat talking and drinking with one of the best views of the city. 

After it started raining on us, we headed back to his apartment, and spent another hour or so together before I had to leave to pack my bags for my early flight back to Oklahoma the next morning. It was hard to say goodbye, but we promised we’d text the next day and I climbed into my Uber. We had been texting all week, but since our first meet wasn’t until the last night of my trip, we missed the chance to go on another real date. Here are my thoughts, post-date, on being so far away from a guy I just met, but really like.

On Distance

Even as I type this, it makes me sad to think about the distance between him and I. I’ve been in a long distance relationship before, but nothing farther in a car than an hour and a half. While we aren’t technically “in a relationship,” the distance is disheartening. He and I are both very physical people, so not having the opportunity to hold hands or kiss or have dinner together whenever we want to, is difficult. And the fact that it would take six plus hours and a couple hundred dollars worth of flights just for us to spend time together, kills even the smallest idea of hope for us to see each other any time soon.

On Technology

I’m not embarrassed to say that I met my New York date through Tinder. Personally, I’ve had great luck with finding and meeting really nice guys through Tinder, so I was excited to cast my net in the New York Tinder waters. This was my New York date’s very first Tinder date. Aside from the apps that help you meet new people, other technologies can be extremely helpful in long distance situations. Snapchat is a fun way to communicate, and we do use it often. Skype is a little more geniune, and aids in real conversations. We haven’t used it yet, but it’s just been a week since we parted ways. With being so far away, and not being able to show our intimacy through touch, communication will be really important in this new relationship, and I hope we can make it work.

On Getting to Know Each Other

While texting is a great way for us to stay in communication all day long, it’s not the best way to really get to know someone. Most conversations over text are superficial, or consist of “What are you doing?” “Nothing, what are you doing?” If we really want to get to know each other, and discover more ways we’re compatible (or not), we’ll have to talk on the phone, or use Skype. In my previous LDR, I learned that these tools were really important when learning about someone new. Like I said before, texting is so superficial, and meanings can become misconstrued really easily. If you’re talking to someone on the phone, you can hear their tone of voice, they can hear yours, misunderstandings are less common, and easier to explain. The best way to really get to know someone is to spend real life time with them, but we’ll have to settle for virtual time for now. 

On Taking It One Day at a Time

It’s easy to think about how far away my actual move to New York is: I don’t graduate until May, and then I have one more study abroad class that I’m taking to get my final credits from the end of May into June. That’s going to put me in New York in a little under three months. Three months without getting to see this guy I’m really into. If I continue to look at it from that perspective, it seems hopeless, and I start to feel impatient. The best way I’ve found to combat these impatient feelings is to take it one day at a time. Instead of thinking about how long three months is, I’m choosing to focus on today. We got to talk on the phone, or he sent me a funny snap. We’ve also had to limit our “I wish you were here” texts, because they aren’t productive in making us feel anything except sorry for ourselves.

On Deciphering My Feelings

A few days ago, I had a conversation with my New York date where I told him that it was really hard for me to decipher my feelings about whatever we are. The distance, mixed with the fact that we only were together for a few hours, fighting against our instant connection are all conflicting emotions. Its frightening, if I’m being completely honest. While it’s been a few months since my last relationship, I like to think that I’m in touch with my head and my heart fairly well. But throw in a thousand or so miles of distance and sprinkle three months until our next date on top, and things get muddled. I know I like him, but I know he’s worried that I won’t have the patience. It’s going to sound more harsh than I want it to, but I can’t make any promises. And I’m not going to ask him to make any promises for me, either.