Photo courtesy of Nicole De Khors
50 Shades Freed is the final installment in the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. Since it came out around Valentine’s Day, we all rushed to the theater for one last hurrah of chains, whips, and Christian Grey. Although we give the movie at least 45 out of 50 shades of grey, we do have a few looming questions in need of some answers!
- How much money did they spend on the first 3 minutes of the movie?
From the most elegant wedding I’ve ever seen to Paris to Italy to Greece, and all in about 3 and a half minutes. How much of $55 million budget went to the opening montage?
- Really? A….charm bracelet?
You would think that if Mr. and Mrs. Grey are such a fashionable, dynamic business duo, they would shudder at the idea of a charm bracelet souvenir…is this middle school? I’m pretty sure I had that exact Eiffel tower charm in 7th grade.
- Did they switch to Androids?
Remember when Christian gave Ana a new iPhone and computer? Well, in the cabana on the “boobtown” beach, the Greys are texting each other on ANDROIDS. Is this important? Symbolic? Product placement? Who knows.
- Is this a movie or an Audi ad?
We already knew Christian’s car of choice was an Audi, but is the goal of the movie to make every audience member consider how they could stretch their finances in order to buy an Audi? Well even if it’s not, it’s working. Congratulations, Audi, you have struck yourselves quite a deal.
- Why does he braid her hair?
Ana asks why he always braids her hair and he has the audacity to ignore the question completely. Was I wondering why he braids her hair before? No. Was I as soon as she asked? Yes. Am I still wondering? DUH.
- Is that Noel Kahn?
Heck yeah it is. I didn’t realize how much I missed Brant Daugherty until he waltzed into the 50 shades franchise as Ana’s super cute new bodyguard, Sawyer. We grew up to watch our sketchy high school jock from Pretty Little Liars blossom into a bodyguard with a bluetooth and a suit. Swoon.
- WHY did they wait for the THIRD movie to bring him in?
I am disappointed that we couldn’t have given Ana some top notch security in the first movie if it’s going to be BRANT. How about a spin-off franchise involving Sawyer? Yes?
- If Christian is so jealous, why get Anna such a fine bodyguard?
Last thing about Sawyer, and then I promise we’ll move on. But really, if Christian is jealous of Ana’s authors, don’t you think he would go out of his way to not put a 10/10 dimepiece in charge of her personal security 24/7? PLOTHOLE.
- Does the staff know about the red room?
This question waltzed into my mind upon noting the cleanliness of the red room. I mean honestly, considering what goes on in there, you’d think there’d be something out of place from time to time. But no! That place looks freshly dusted and GLEAMING whenever its time to put it to use. So, does the housekeeper clean it? Does Christian have a specific housekeeper for maintaining the red room? I have GOT to know.
- What is this song?
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t whip out my shazam app a few times during the movie. From Hailee Steinfeld to Rita Ora and Liam, every song on the soundtrack was a banger. WELL DONE.
- HOW is she gonna shower and be ready to leave in 20 minutes?
After Christian comes back drunk from a night with his former lover, Ana is pretty peeved. Christian thinks she is missing, and when she emerges from the red room, Ana tells Sawyer that she will shower and be ready to leave in 20 minutes. GIRL, if you look like that in 20 minutes, then I’ve got a whole other set of 20 questions for you, the first one being “Will you please share your secret?”.
- What kind of ice cream is that?
If you’ve seen the movie, you know EXACTLY what scene I’m talking about. So which Ben & Jerry’s flavor is it? Phish food? Chunky Monkey? My guess is Karamel Sutra.
- When does Ana work?
For someone who “loves her job” Ana doesn’t seem to get much work done or even be at work very often. But I guess the movie isn’t really about Ana’s rise to success as a Publisher is it? No, that seems to be more of a side gig.
- Follow up question: How did she get a promotion?
When Liz tells her she got a promotion she adds the line, “and you weren’t even here!” Valid point Liz, it’s impressive she keeps her job considering her absences, even more impressive that she can earn a promotion from the Eiffel Tower.
- Who proposes in a Nightclub?
The answer is Christian’s brother. Why? Not sure. An even more looming question is why Kate said yes. My best guess is that she was just relieved he wasn’t cheating on her with the blonde architect.
- How did Jack Hyde make a $500,000 bail?
This one is especially puzzling considering Jack Hyde was fired from his job, and then probably spent whatever remaining funds he had left on being able to hack into Christian’s high-tech security while the newlyweds are on their honeymoon. Then again, I guess nothing about Hyde should come as a surprise.
- Was that…character development?
In a movie made mostly for fun, you don’t expect a lot of plot and character development. When Ana won’t tell controlling Christian about her ransom deadline, he gives Ana control. I choked on my large popcorn large drink combo for this one! Mr. Grey has evolved, ladies!
- What exactly does tenacious mean?
Tenacious is one of those words that I would say I know what it means, but then struggle to come up with a definition. Webster’s dictionary defines “tenacious” as “tending to keep a firm hold of something; clinging or adhering closely.” Christian’s mom uses this word to describe Ana, and I must say I’d have to agree.
- What is Dakota Johnson’s secret to bangs?
For those of us who have ever tried to pull of fringe bangs, many days are spent looking more like Dwight from the office than Zooey Deschanel. However, we’ve gotta give a big BRAVO to Dakota for her flawless bangs in any given scene of the movie. Well done.
- When’s the next showing?
Since there won’t be any more sequels, I guess we’ll just have to settle for watching the last installment over and over again. Laters, baby!
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