Everything You Should Know About Making the First Move

Photo by India Tupy on Unsplash

Traditionally, girls rely on the men to make the first move. Sure, we flirt and give hints most of the time which encourages them to make the first move, but things are changing and tradition is starting to break. More women are starting to shoot their shot first. We aren’t just waiting around anymore. I interviewed five people to get the complete ins and outs for making the first move, getting rejected, and who they prefer to make the first move. 

Who should make the first move?

The girls I interviewed leaned toward the traditional side, saying the men should make the first move but there were a few exceptions where they made the first move. Social media plays into the decision making process for Sophie. “As females, there’s a lot of pressure on us to be near perfect at all times so it’s hard for us to even want to make the first move,” she said. “We know we don’t look like the Instagram models that pop up in his feed everyday.” When guys make the first move, it gives the girl security knowing he is interested enough to make himself vulnerable.

Every situation is different and whoever is the bolder of the two is often the one to make the first move. For Tony, making the first move is fluid in relationships. “I think people shouldn’t rely on gender to dictate how their relationship moves forward,” Tony said. “People shouldn’t worry about who should be doing what and just go for it.”  

Making the first move.

Deciding to go forward with making the first move can be tricky but after crossing that bridge, you have to consider how to make the first move. First off, the setting can make all the difference. “Its okay for men to make the first move if it’s the right context,” Zinny said. “Don’t hit on women when they’re at the gym or work. Also, if they are receptive; if someone doesn’t want to talk to you, you can tell.”

Making the first move should be the perfect balance between being straight up and being subtle. “Don’t just dive straight into it,” Broshia said. “Work your way into it by learning what that person likes and using it to connect with them.” If you can connect with someone of the platonic level and then build a stronger connection, that’s the better route to go. Asking for coffee or to study together is the great in-between. They’ll get the hint that you want to spend time with them and you can learn their interests that way. After, start being more forward and ask them to go to the movies or do something they are interested in.

Words of encouragement to shoot your shot:

Making the first move can be difficult if you’re really into the person or if you’re not used to it. The fear of rejection is overwhelming at times and the fear that it could change your relationship with that person. But, guess what? You should still do it. 

“If you find someone you like, you should always go for it,” Sophie said. “There’s always a possibility that he/she could be your person. You’ll never know if you don’t at least try.”

You got rejected. Now what?

Getting rejected is hard, but it isn’t the end of the world. There are plenty of fish in the sea and you’ll figure that out soon. Getting rejected by someone shouldn’t stop you in the future from putting yourself out there. “Whenever something doesn’t work out for me in a relationship, I just hold hope that there is going to be someone where it feels right,” Emma said. Everything happens for a reason, and maybe that person isn’t meant for you. 

Always be prepared for a rejection. “Putting yourself out there is great and all, but you need to be okay with the alternative and you have to know when to leave it be,” Tony said. “Don’t keep on pursuing the person.” No one likes it when you keep pestering them.

In short, making the first move is scary and has layers like an onion but if you break it down step by step it gets easier. Getting it over with is the best part. You’ll stop questioning “what if” all the time. In the end, it doesn’t matter who makes the first move but really how it is done. Making the effort to understand someone’s signals, interests, and personality is the key to starting a relationship. So, shoot your shot to whoever came to mind while reading this. 

• dating
• making the first move
• relationships