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Ah Tinder. The gift that keeps on giving. It’s a great place to go for casual hookups, party invites, more followers on Instagram, and (my person favorite) a place I can go to get random boys to buy me food. It’s the OG Bumble but not as high quality. The wide array of people there is truly astounding. Here are some examples:
The Fratty: Also commonly known as the “Frat Daddy.” Almost always has their letters in their bio. Half of their pictures are either from drinking ragers or date parties. “Here for a good time, not here for a long time.”
The Hunter/Country Boy: Pictures must include at least one, if not all of the following: boy with a fish, boy with a deer, boy with a truck. May occasionally have “MAGA” in their bio. Hard hat photos are also not uncommon.
The Dog Guy: AKA “the smart one.” Understands my favorite phrase: bitches get bitches. At least one picture of them with a dog. Be careful. Check bio for key words: dog dad, my dog is cooler than me, my dog already likes you, etc.
The Less Attractive Friend: Needs to learn that if your friend is significantly more attractive than you, you never post a picture with them. Girls have evolved enough that this is second nature to them. If they don’t know they’re the less attractive one… pray for them.
The Naughty Boy: If their mothers knew the messages that they were sending to these poor impressionable young women (LOL), they would have their mouths washed out with soap and wouldn’t be allowed to show their face in public ever again.
The Military Man: A boy in camo who is almost guaranteed to be emotionally unavailable… or too emotionally available. Both of which could potentially be very dangerous. Tread lightly.
The Gym Buff: Shirtless mirror selfies for days. Shorts/boxers low enough to let the mind wander. Is never smiling in any pictures. Just wants a girl to go to the gym with.
The One with No Pictures of Themselves: Will generally be drawings or really obscure game references. Is either very upfront that they are 100% just looking for sex or just wants to be friends. There is no in between.
The 420 Friendly Guy: Gages in their ears. Normally really aesthetic pictures where no one is actually smiling but rather looking off into the distance as though seeking guidance from some greater power.
The Rebound Guy: All of their pictures are obviously of them with a girl who has simply been cropped out of their lives. Swipes right on literally anything with a vagina. Probably not looking for anything serious.
The One that is an Actual Child: A twelve-year-old claiming to be eighteen in the hopes that they will score with the ladies. Report these children. No one wants to have to deal with the youths of today.